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Allow me to start today's blog with a disclaimer. It has been very rough in the office already (I am starting the blog early today at 10:30). Rod has been condescending, bullying us, and is being completely unreasonable. None of this is shocking, but the over-the-top conversations that are occurring today mean that this blog will be less humor oriented, and may just end up being cathartic for me.
The day started pleasantly enough. I asked Rod how his weekend was, then when Jen came in, I asked her. She said great! Then said in a low voice later that, essentially, lots of crazy things had happened and she couldn't wait to tell me at lunch. Cool! Something to look forward to.
Rod is a bully. I'm sure this isn't a surprise to you. It is to me. The last time I had to deal with a true bully was 8th grade. I am right back on that bus today, getting bullied. The difference is, I'm an adult now, and I will not be bullied.
In fact, I am very close to just walking out. Perhaps for the day, perhaps forever. It's bad here today.
It started with Rod bullying Jennifer about email and subject lines. Remember how IMPORTANT email subjects are to Rod from one of my very first posts? He asked her "Now, Jennifer, come here a minute. What is the purpose of a subject in an email?" Jennifer said "To let people know what the email is about." Rod replied "EXACTLY. To let people KNOW what the EMAIL is ABOUT. Is that NEW to you? What the SUBJECT is FOR?" The sneer that laced his tone was shocking. It also put me on guard.
He went on to say the same thing to her over and over, just like he did me on my first day. Finally, I interrupted to say "I don't mean to eavesdrop, but she definitely understands what you are saying. You are just grinding it in at this point." Well, that sure put a kink in his tail! He came rushing out of his cube and stood in front of mine. He said "Well, if everyone is going to be chiming IN, let's talk about this. Jennifer, come here." When Jen took the three steps forward necessary to "come here," he continued. "I'm sure you're already irritated with me...." (Ya think?) "BUT...Now, this PERSONAL converSAtion in the OFFICE needs to stop. I don't want to hear all this personal crap." Jennifer and I were perplexed. Our eyes popped. I said, "Are you serious? We can't even ask how a weekend went?!" He replied "Well, now, yes, you CAN ask that, but then it's this whole WHISPERING thing that goes on later, it's just NOT NECESSARY." Oh geez. Really? "So we can't have personal conversation on our lunch hour, we can't have conversation at any time, even in hushed tones. This is what you're saying." Rod said "YEAH! Take it OUTSIDE!" I just looked at the 40 degree rain falling outside the window and rolled my eyes. Jen did too. I made it clear that if this is a new rule that would be instituted, then it should be applicable to all. He said quite loudly at me, "Do you mean the conversations I have with my BROTHERS?" I simply said, "I just want to make sure this applies to all of us and our personal conversations." Whatever. Fine, nothing personal in the office again. I get it. Unbelievable.
Here's an example of another exchange with the Unreasonable Bully:
"Jennifer, do you have time for a meeting?"
"Mm-hmm"
[silence]
"Jennifer, do you have time for a meeting?"
"Yes, Rod, I have time right now."
"Ok, well, you need to tell me you have time for a meeting if you have time."
"Yes, Rod, I have time for a meeting."
"Ok, because you need to tell me."
Maybe I should have clued in that he's having an off day when he staggered and fell into a cubicle wall. Silly me, I attributed it to clumsiness, but now I'm beginning to wonder.
Rod told Jennifer to enter in notes for a call she didn't participate in. Hmmm. I don't think that will be easy.
Jennifer: "Rod, you're not listening to me, you're not letting me finish any sentences."
Rod: "That's right, I'm not."
Wow. This stuff just boggles my mind today.
Rod: "Don't assume I'll remember anything." Don't worry, Rod, we don't.
I mean, this guy is for REAL. Does he think this foul abuse of us encourages us to go out and make sales for him? To work extra hard for him? Well, it doesn't. All it does is make us work just hard enough to not get fired.
And not one iota more.
Eye Tee Girl
Monday, November 23, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
And the other shoe drops...
I should've known this week was just too good to be true. The airy nature, the lack of arguments, the smiling, the whistling... was it all a dream?
Needless to say, the Rod who loves confrontation showed up again today. I caught on right away that he was back to his old ways when he decided to argue with Jennifer on one of his favorite topics: The customer is always wrong. Now, I think most of us have learned the opposite: The customer is always right. Right? And aren't we taught, even as children, to do what we can to help a customer? Depending on the job, that could mean anything from holding a door open, helping jump start a car, or, yes, even spending some extra time on the phone, supporting them after having purchased a product of yours. This is clearly not Rod's philosophy. Rod, I think, thrives when he can pick apart a customer and their procedures. Especially if it presents an obstacle for Rod getting to his money. In this particular example, when Jen explained that the customer wanted a demo so they could then present our solution to management (a fairly normal occurance, right?), Rod said loudly and gruffly: "I don't like hearing that." Well, too bad, Rod. That's how they do it. Nope, that wasn't what he wanted. He just wanted the customer to buy buy buy. He told Jen to find out when they were planning on buying this product. Jennifer almost snorted a laugh. "You mean, just call them and say 'Hey, when are you going to give us money?' I can't do that!" Well, my guess is Rod didn't like hearing that either, because he launched into a long string of reasons that the customer was wrong as though Jennifer could control what the customer was doing! Impossible man!
During that conversation, Rod told Jen 4 times to "Make the CUStomer UNderSTAND the BUSiness propoSItion of our software." Check that. He's up to 5 times now. Five times he said that same phrase! "We want to MOTivate this guy! It's IMPORTant that he UNderSTAND the BUSiness propoSItion of our PROduct!" What else can you say to someone like this? We just roll our eyes and say "Yes, Rod."
Let's take a moment to share some favorite recent quotes:
"You have to turn in business in addition to being a friend." Hmm. Ok. Right.
"Is it sexist if I call this client a BITCH?"
"I couldn't help but notice you have an AFRICAN AMERICAN, a very LARGE African American on your football team's defense." I suppose he thinks he's not being racist if he says the term African American while he's sneering.
He's told people several times today that it's been raining solidly for 3 weeks. I guess he forgot the beautiful week of sunshine last week. Oh wait, that's right, I remember he told someone last week that it was raining when it was sunny. Does he just want people to think it rains all the time in Seattle? Or do you suppose he just can't judge weather any better than he can judge appropriate business conversation topics?
I scheduled a call for Rod, one of the developers, and me. I put it on Rod's calendar early yesterday morning. Today, Rod decided to book a webinar for that same time. A few hours later, he realized his mistake. He then asked me to call the customer and fix the problem. I politely declined the invitation and said, essentially, that if he got himself into the kettle of fish, then he could get himself out. He begrudgingly said ok, and then said "I thought we were a TEAM here, supPORTing one another." I asked "Rod, is that a fancy way of asking me to clean up your messes for you?" He said, "Well, yes, just like I clean up yours!" I wanted to ask him to tell me of the last time he'd had to clean up one of my messes, but figured it would be best to keep my mouth shut this time.
Well, it's Friday, anyway. That's always something to look forward to. Oh, and did I mention? Rod overpaid me a few hundred bucks on this last paycheck. That works for me... I have a full keg in my basement now, just waiting to be tapped tonight! Happy sigh.
Have a great weekend everyone, and until next week, I wish you better times at your office than I have at mine!
Eye Tee Girl
Needless to say, the Rod who loves confrontation showed up again today. I caught on right away that he was back to his old ways when he decided to argue with Jennifer on one of his favorite topics: The customer is always wrong. Now, I think most of us have learned the opposite: The customer is always right. Right? And aren't we taught, even as children, to do what we can to help a customer? Depending on the job, that could mean anything from holding a door open, helping jump start a car, or, yes, even spending some extra time on the phone, supporting them after having purchased a product of yours. This is clearly not Rod's philosophy. Rod, I think, thrives when he can pick apart a customer and their procedures. Especially if it presents an obstacle for Rod getting to his money. In this particular example, when Jen explained that the customer wanted a demo so they could then present our solution to management (a fairly normal occurance, right?), Rod said loudly and gruffly: "I don't like hearing that." Well, too bad, Rod. That's how they do it. Nope, that wasn't what he wanted. He just wanted the customer to buy buy buy. He told Jen to find out when they were planning on buying this product. Jennifer almost snorted a laugh. "You mean, just call them and say 'Hey, when are you going to give us money?' I can't do that!" Well, my guess is Rod didn't like hearing that either, because he launched into a long string of reasons that the customer was wrong as though Jennifer could control what the customer was doing! Impossible man!
During that conversation, Rod told Jen 4 times to "Make the CUStomer UNderSTAND the BUSiness propoSItion of our software." Check that. He's up to 5 times now. Five times he said that same phrase! "We want to MOTivate this guy! It's IMPORTant that he UNderSTAND the BUSiness propoSItion of our PROduct!" What else can you say to someone like this? We just roll our eyes and say "Yes, Rod."
Let's take a moment to share some favorite recent quotes:
"You have to turn in business in addition to being a friend." Hmm. Ok. Right.
"Is it sexist if I call this client a BITCH?"
"I couldn't help but notice you have an AFRICAN AMERICAN, a very LARGE African American on your football team's defense." I suppose he thinks he's not being racist if he says the term African American while he's sneering.
He's told people several times today that it's been raining solidly for 3 weeks. I guess he forgot the beautiful week of sunshine last week. Oh wait, that's right, I remember he told someone last week that it was raining when it was sunny. Does he just want people to think it rains all the time in Seattle? Or do you suppose he just can't judge weather any better than he can judge appropriate business conversation topics?
I scheduled a call for Rod, one of the developers, and me. I put it on Rod's calendar early yesterday morning. Today, Rod decided to book a webinar for that same time. A few hours later, he realized his mistake. He then asked me to call the customer and fix the problem. I politely declined the invitation and said, essentially, that if he got himself into the kettle of fish, then he could get himself out. He begrudgingly said ok, and then said "I thought we were a TEAM here, supPORTing one another." I asked "Rod, is that a fancy way of asking me to clean up your messes for you?" He said, "Well, yes, just like I clean up yours!" I wanted to ask him to tell me of the last time he'd had to clean up one of my messes, but figured it would be best to keep my mouth shut this time.
Well, it's Friday, anyway. That's always something to look forward to. Oh, and did I mention? Rod overpaid me a few hundred bucks on this last paycheck. That works for me... I have a full keg in my basement now, just waiting to be tapped tonight! Happy sigh.
Have a great weekend everyone, and until next week, I wish you better times at your office than I have at mine!
Eye Tee Girl
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Hormones and Good Cheer
You know how, in the movies, when the hero gets laid, in the next scene, he'll waltz onto the screen, happy, singing, and maybe even whistling? Well, that is how much Rod has changed now that he's getting some. (Or has a girlfriend at least). It is the weirdest thing to see him in such good cheer. There has been a serious personality shift.
Unfortunately, it would appear that with this good fortune comes a serious side effect when someone starts getting laid. Er, gets a girlfriend. It would seem that Rod's back has gone out on him. Now, I don't know for sure that the new girlfriend is putting out, but combine the good cheer and recent back injury? I'm sure boss man is tappin' some o' that.
He was talking to his brother yesterday and he mentioned he has a "lady friend." (Why does it seem so tacky and lascivious when an old man calls his girl friend his "lady friend?") But I digress... While on the phone with his brother, Rod asked his brother to not call him on his 1-800 line, because he gets charged. His recommendation to his brother (we'll call him Bob) is that Bob use his cell phone instead, because then Bob will have to incur the expenses. What a penny pincher! Sheesh, won't even cover the bill for his own brother to call him!
As the conversation progressed, he spoke more of the lady friend. And then, to my horror, he said that he'd be more than happy to share "the lay of the land, so to speak! HO HA HO HA!! That is to say, I have more IRONS in the fire, HO HA! I will send you some LINKS." Oh... my... GOD. Is he talking about sharing his girlfriend? Or something only slightly less nefarious, like he is dating someone now, but has other girls on match.com that he is checking out? (Rod is on match.com at least half of every work day.) Either way, sharing them with his brother? I mean, damn! Ick Factor+5 either way. 100 additional points if he is talking about sharing the girlfriend.
So a woman called Rod on his cell phone. I could hear her voice. He said "It's my mother! My mother!" He was yelling excitedly. The poor woman was obviously confused by Rod's mistake and there was stunned silence on the other end of the phone. "My mother is in HEAVEN!" Hmm. I'm not sure what he was trying to say. My thinking is maybe he was trying to poetically compare her to an angel? But never quite got it out right. Anyway, he then went on to say, "Ok, I'm at your web site..." I don't know many women with web sites, and those that do, well, let's just say I wouldn't visit their sites while at work. (Well, I never would, but I think you get my point).
As I mentioned, Rod managed to hurt his back "somehow" over the last day or two. He has now managed to tell four separate people (including customers, not counting Jennifer and me) that his back is out. "My lower back, LOWER BACK has ISSUES and it is imPEDing my sleep." He just likes telling people about his libido being sore. (Think he means lumbago?)
Instead of saying "ought" like "awt," he pronounces it "Out"
Rod has named his truck "Rooster," (talk about over-compensation with a vehicle) and told me he only drives it when there is inclement weather. Considering the flood and wind warnings that are in effect until Sunday (and have been most of this week), it seems odd to me he has been driving his sedan all week. I guess he thinks a dented old Lexus will make a better impression on his lady friend? You make the call.
Well, off I go back to work. Rod is due back from the Doctor's soon. Maybe his "libido" will keep him home all day. Maybe his lady friend can help! ;)
Eye Tee Girl
Unfortunately, it would appear that with this good fortune comes a serious side effect when someone starts getting laid. Er, gets a girlfriend. It would seem that Rod's back has gone out on him. Now, I don't know for sure that the new girlfriend is putting out, but combine the good cheer and recent back injury? I'm sure boss man is tappin' some o' that.
He was talking to his brother yesterday and he mentioned he has a "lady friend." (Why does it seem so tacky and lascivious when an old man calls his girl friend his "lady friend?") But I digress... While on the phone with his brother, Rod asked his brother to not call him on his 1-800 line, because he gets charged. His recommendation to his brother (we'll call him Bob) is that Bob use his cell phone instead, because then Bob will have to incur the expenses. What a penny pincher! Sheesh, won't even cover the bill for his own brother to call him!
As the conversation progressed, he spoke more of the lady friend. And then, to my horror, he said that he'd be more than happy to share "the lay of the land, so to speak! HO HA HO HA!! That is to say, I have more IRONS in the fire, HO HA! I will send you some LINKS." Oh... my... GOD. Is he talking about sharing his girlfriend? Or something only slightly less nefarious, like he is dating someone now, but has other girls on match.com that he is checking out? (Rod is on match.com at least half of every work day.) Either way, sharing them with his brother? I mean, damn! Ick Factor+5 either way. 100 additional points if he is talking about sharing the girlfriend.
So a woman called Rod on his cell phone. I could hear her voice. He said "It's my mother! My mother!" He was yelling excitedly. The poor woman was obviously confused by Rod's mistake and there was stunned silence on the other end of the phone. "My mother is in HEAVEN!" Hmm. I'm not sure what he was trying to say. My thinking is maybe he was trying to poetically compare her to an angel? But never quite got it out right. Anyway, he then went on to say, "Ok, I'm at your web site..." I don't know many women with web sites, and those that do, well, let's just say I wouldn't visit their sites while at work. (Well, I never would, but I think you get my point).
As I mentioned, Rod managed to hurt his back "somehow" over the last day or two. He has now managed to tell four separate people (including customers, not counting Jennifer and me) that his back is out. "My lower back, LOWER BACK has ISSUES and it is imPEDing my sleep." He just likes telling people about his libido being sore. (Think he means lumbago?)
Instead of saying "ought" like "awt," he pronounces it "Out"
Rod has named his truck "Rooster," (talk about over-compensation with a vehicle) and told me he only drives it when there is inclement weather. Considering the flood and wind warnings that are in effect until Sunday (and have been most of this week), it seems odd to me he has been driving his sedan all week. I guess he thinks a dented old Lexus will make a better impression on his lady friend? You make the call.
Well, off I go back to work. Rod is due back from the Doctor's soon. Maybe his "libido" will keep him home all day. Maybe his lady friend can help! ;)
Eye Tee Girl
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The tramp has a lady!
We finally got the official word, Rod is dating someone. It's a sad shame that I can't tell you her real name, as that alone is an excellent blog story. I will try to think of a name that I can use that will parallel the story line. But for now, just know it is killing me not to come out with the real one!
In the meantime, he wasted no time giving me other material today...
This morning, Rod came in (an hour later than usual... Hmmm...) and announced, "Katie! I have been THINKING about you!!!" He was so excited, I was very afraid of what was coming next. "You know I listen to King FM and TODAY.... AHEERMMEEMMM!!... Today! They were playing a VIENNESE waltz." Oh, God, no, no, please no. Nonononononono... "AND... I THOUGHT how WONDERFUL it would be to go DANCING with you" Oh crap, there it is. He said it. It's out in the open now. Think! Quick! What to say now?? "Oh, mm hmmm, really?" "YES! Both you and JENNIFER too! Out dancing with my two FAVORITE girls!!" Well, obviously, he was being taken away by the fantasy. Me, I needed a healthy dose of Calgon to take me away from the vision. Oh well, maybe later...
Rod is definitely a different person when there is a girlfriend in the picture. He has hardly grumped at either Jennifer or me today! And only a couple times yesterday. I think he got some over the weekend. It's the only thing that can explain things like:
Customer: "Rod! Check your customer notes. My son's name is Alex!"
This is all I have time for today, I will surely be back tomorrow!
In the meantime, he wasted no time giving me other material today...
This morning, Rod came in (an hour later than usual... Hmmm...) and announced, "Katie! I have been THINKING about you!!!" He was so excited, I was very afraid of what was coming next. "You know I listen to King FM and TODAY.... AHEERMMEEMMM!!... Today! They were playing a VIENNESE waltz." Oh, God, no, no, please no. Nonononononono... "AND... I THOUGHT how WONDERFUL it would be to go DANCING with you" Oh crap, there it is. He said it. It's out in the open now. Think! Quick! What to say now?? "Oh, mm hmmm, really?" "YES! Both you and JENNIFER too! Out dancing with my two FAVORITE girls!!" Well, obviously, he was being taken away by the fantasy. Me, I needed a healthy dose of Calgon to take me away from the vision. Oh well, maybe later...
Rod is definitely a different person when there is a girlfriend in the picture. He has hardly grumped at either Jennifer or me today! And only a couple times yesterday. I think he got some over the weekend. It's the only thing that can explain things like:
Jennifer says he has never before written "Great" on an invoice. It's like getting a test back in second grade, complete with teacher's comments! Maybe next time, he will include a Precious Moments stamp? Or a Hello Kitty sticker?
Who is this man, and what has he done with Rod??
I'm sure it's no surprise. Rod isn't very good at bookkeeping. Yesterday, I found it peculiar when he started collecting up the recyclables in the office. I inquired. He said "My terminal's being used." Hmm. Peculiar jargon. What is this "terminal" of which he speaks? I asked Jennifer as soon as he went outside. "Oh!! Right, he means that his accountant is using his computer right now!" I peeked. Sure enough, someone was using a remote admin agent to control Rod's computer and was going through his finances (no, Rod is not clever enough to turn off a monitor when someone else is going through his finances). Whoa. That just seemed like a little too much trust in your banker, y'know what I'm sayin? So, anyway, today he was speaking to his accountant about all his finances, deposits, withdrawals, different banks, and so forth. Finally, after mentioning everyone's payroll checks (by dollar amount, not by check number, nice) he said he thinks the bank is wrong. Now, I'm not sure what he thinks the bank is wrong about, and I'm not a betting person, but if I were, and knowing Rod like I do, I would put my money on the bank being 100% right.
To a customer: "Have you installed this piece of crap software yet?" (no commentary necessary, right?)
To Jennifer: "There's nothing wrong with pretending you're stupid." Except, when you do it, you're not pretending, right, Rod?
Rod: "So how is Kyle doing on his football team?" Customer: "Rod! Check your customer notes. My son's name is Alex!"
This is all I have time for today, I will surely be back tomorrow!
Eye Tee Girl
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A hoodwink and a smile...
So, with Jennifer being sick, of course, I got to hear how Rod has been even sicker! HIS sinus infections, apparently, were so intense, he actually had his sinuses removed.
You read that right.
Rod has had his sinuses removed. Yes, you know them: the space in your head that is usually empty? Rod had those empty air gaps removed. That's kinda like letting the air out of an empty coffee cup, isn't it? I even asked him, this time, to verify he wasn't joking: "Oh, do you mean that surgery where they drill out the drain holes bigger? So it doesn't plug up and get infected?" His reply, "Yeah, no, they removed my sinuses. That's what they told me, anyway." He nodded authoritatively. So no, he's not joking, and no, I'm not sure what they really did, but it makes me wonder if they really did anything at all... or if they just enjoyed drilling holes into his head after having to deal with him for 20 minutes. Now that I think about it, in Rod's case, that would be akin to letting air out of an empty coffee cup...
I got my usual sammich up at Safeway today. I like to take it apart when I get back and add a few things to it, such as mayo and pickles. Today, I went over and, in front of the microwave, began the process of taking the sammich apart. In the middle of said sammich surgery, Rod decides to make his coffee for the next day. Reaching across me, he had to get a filter, then reaching into the frig underneath me, he had to get the coffee, then it was getting his coffee cup from around the corner, then he fluffed up a new package of coffee. I could see this one coming a mile away. I grabbed my sammich and ran. The next thing I heard was a violent ripping sound and then the sound of coffee grounds hitting a counter. I escaped just in time, my sammich coffee free! It would appear as though Rod even cleaned up his mess! Well, mostly...
Poor Rod, I don't think he's a drop to drink all day:
His coffee cup and water glass have been there for well over 3 hours. Let me check. Yep, they are still there now. Only, now, they are also accompanied by some coffee filters, left over from the mess he made in the last story. Sigh.
A banker (?) of some shady sort with a Russian accent came in today. He was speaking to Rod about term loans, percentage rates, and saving $500. I think I smelled something fishy, but Rod was very keen to learn more about saving $500. At one point, he said "Wow, that'll get you... that must get you a lot of cocaine. Do you know how much cocaine that will get you?" The poor Russian, whom I'll dub "Yuri," had no idea. Rod continued with a shout: "JENNIFER! How much cocaine can $500 buy?" Her eyes got huge. Her mouth dropped open. "Umm, Rod, I have no idea how much it will buy." In shock, I leaned around the corner to look at Rod. I saw him suck in breath to ask me next, but I beat him to it "Don't lookit me, I don't know either! Are you crazy?" Poor Yuri was obviously uncomfortable, fidgeting with his blazer and avoiding eye contact. A lot was said in the course of the conversation, which was ended on a happy note when Rod said "Well, that's ok, after all, the only thing we do is sit around here and snort cocaine all day." Crazy, crazy man.
Rod has to write notes everywhere to remind him to do basic things (See an October post about the Wash your Hands memo in the bathroom - it's still there). Today, there is a prominent note on his desk reminding him to get shampoo (italicized) and a razor (as his electric is broken). I think I mentioned that we don't get the day after Thanksgiving off. Rod wrote himself a note so he'd remember to tell us:
Now, I know it isn't perfectly clear (so sue me), but it is handwritten and says: Thanksgiving Annunement. If he can't even write correctly, how on earth is he going to type? You at least need to know what letters are actually in a word for spell checker to have a sporting chance! Poor, poor Rod.
You read that right.
Rod has had his sinuses removed. Yes, you know them: the space in your head that is usually empty? Rod had those empty air gaps removed. That's kinda like letting the air out of an empty coffee cup, isn't it? I even asked him, this time, to verify he wasn't joking: "Oh, do you mean that surgery where they drill out the drain holes bigger? So it doesn't plug up and get infected?" His reply, "Yeah, no, they removed my sinuses. That's what they told me, anyway." He nodded authoritatively. So no, he's not joking, and no, I'm not sure what they really did, but it makes me wonder if they really did anything at all... or if they just enjoyed drilling holes into his head after having to deal with him for 20 minutes. Now that I think about it, in Rod's case, that would be akin to letting air out of an empty coffee cup...
I got my usual sammich up at Safeway today. I like to take it apart when I get back and add a few things to it, such as mayo and pickles. Today, I went over and, in front of the microwave, began the process of taking the sammich apart. In the middle of said sammich surgery, Rod decides to make his coffee for the next day. Reaching across me, he had to get a filter, then reaching into the frig underneath me, he had to get the coffee, then it was getting his coffee cup from around the corner, then he fluffed up a new package of coffee. I could see this one coming a mile away. I grabbed my sammich and ran. The next thing I heard was a violent ripping sound and then the sound of coffee grounds hitting a counter. I escaped just in time, my sammich coffee free! It would appear as though Rod even cleaned up his mess! Well, mostly...
Poor Rod, I don't think he's a drop to drink all day:
His coffee cup and water glass have been there for well over 3 hours. Let me check. Yep, they are still there now. Only, now, they are also accompanied by some coffee filters, left over from the mess he made in the last story. Sigh.
A banker (?) of some shady sort with a Russian accent came in today. He was speaking to Rod about term loans, percentage rates, and saving $500. I think I smelled something fishy, but Rod was very keen to learn more about saving $500. At one point, he said "Wow, that'll get you... that must get you a lot of cocaine. Do you know how much cocaine that will get you?" The poor Russian, whom I'll dub "Yuri," had no idea. Rod continued with a shout: "JENNIFER! How much cocaine can $500 buy?" Her eyes got huge. Her mouth dropped open. "Umm, Rod, I have no idea how much it will buy." In shock, I leaned around the corner to look at Rod. I saw him suck in breath to ask me next, but I beat him to it "Don't lookit me, I don't know either! Are you crazy?" Poor Yuri was obviously uncomfortable, fidgeting with his blazer and avoiding eye contact. A lot was said in the course of the conversation, which was ended on a happy note when Rod said "Well, that's ok, after all, the only thing we do is sit around here and snort cocaine all day." Crazy, crazy man.
Rod has to write notes everywhere to remind him to do basic things (See an October post about the Wash your Hands memo in the bathroom - it's still there). Today, there is a prominent note on his desk reminding him to get shampoo (italicized) and a razor (as his electric is broken). I think I mentioned that we don't get the day after Thanksgiving off. Rod wrote himself a note so he'd remember to tell us:
Now, I know it isn't perfectly clear (so sue me), but it is handwritten and says: Thanksgiving Annunement. If he can't even write correctly, how on earth is he going to type? You at least need to know what letters are actually in a word for spell checker to have a sporting chance! Poor, poor Rod.
Well, off I trot to send out a "big announcement" about our software. Here's hoping the list Rod gave me is actually accurate...
Eye Tee Girl
Monday, November 16, 2009
Left to bear the brunt...
Remember that I mentioned Jennifer wasn't feeling well? Today, she came in sounding like a frog and she had a swollen eye. (As a side note, Rod was again completely shocked that Jennifer had gotten sick. Knucklehead.) She went to see the dr, then went home. Apparently, she got a terrible sinus infection over the weekend and is now reaping the rewards: Rod-free time. Lucky son-of-a-gun! As a result, Rod gets to focus all of his malcontent and boredom squarely on me.
For instance, I had to sit through a lecture about RAID 1, 3, and 5 - which is a fancy way of saying "computer stuff" from a man who knows nothing about RAID, much less setting them up, nor even computers. This lesson included such gems as "So... um, AHRREMMM! Our DATAbases sit on EITHER the C: drive or the E: drive." (Note: There are only two drives on this machine. C: and E:) "And you will FIND... all of our APPLICATIONS are ON the C drive or the E drive." Wow, the information is getting more helpful by the minute! Another noteworthy piece, there are 8 bits in a byte! I never knew that! Awesome! One of our drives in one of our servers is 7200 RPM! Really, Rod? Any idea which one? (He had no idea which one, of course - stating only "the new one" as though explaining it to a small child). I also found out we likely are running a lot of our important stuff on machines about 10 years old. Great. Can't wait for the day that fails, and I have to fix it - because he's "not interested in doing that now." It just keeps getting better and better!
Poor Rod is just so... out of touch. On Friday, he was having trouble saying something, and so he stammered out "Katie, I LOVE YOU! I just have trouble SAYING it sometimes." Again, definitely one of those moments I could have used assistance in scraping my chin off the floor. While I always appreciate declarations of affection, this one seemed a tad bit over the top.
As we know, I have contracted "garbage duty." Jennifer even calls me GiGi now, for Garbage Girl. Great, thanks. Really, I mean that. Two weeks ago, I gave Rod a list of things we need here in the office. They still have not been ordered. On that list is a request for trash bags (and a garbage can for Jen). This will make my job much cleaner, and much much easier for my ego to bear. However, on Friday, we still didn't have bags. So, when I went to dump out all the trash in Rod's garbage (which was almost entirely paper), I proceeded to completely upend the can. Of course, the half full cup of coffee he had hidden in there just had to tumble in such a way so as to spill sour milk and coffee all over my hand and shirt, while still landing in the bag at the end of its journey. Just the topper I needed for my Friday! Now on top of knowing of Rod's love, I also get to smell of sour milk and coffee.
Does anyone wonder why I need a strong drink at the end of a day? I think I need to start drinking at the beginning and middle of the day, too.
Rod and I had a meeting today about file archival. It turned into a meeting about sending him an email template regarding something else entirely that I had already sent him. I just nodded and said, yessir, I can send that information to you again. Well, this put his tail feathers in a bunch. He did not want something I had already sent him. No. He wanted something different. "WE ARE NOT COMMUNICATING" he said. Oh God. That made me roll my eyes. I knew what was coming next: He made me repeat back to him what he was saying and what I would do. (That is such a great communication technique! I am so glad he is patient and teaches me these things) So for the 6th time (I counted), I said: "I will send you the custom template for the email that will be going out." I added in my head "And it will be a forward of the exact same email I emailed you two weeks ago with the exact same information you are requesting now. (But I didn't use my outside voice for that part.)
Well, Rod is due back from his swimming for the day, and I'm starving. Eating when Rod returns gives me a reason to blatantly ignore him completely, so it's the best time to do it. And hey, I even got paid today! It just doesn't get any better than a day at Acme.
Eye Tee Girl
For instance, I had to sit through a lecture about RAID 1, 3, and 5 - which is a fancy way of saying "computer stuff" from a man who knows nothing about RAID, much less setting them up, nor even computers. This lesson included such gems as "So... um, AHRREMMM! Our DATAbases sit on EITHER the C: drive or the E: drive." (Note: There are only two drives on this machine. C: and E:) "And you will FIND... all of our APPLICATIONS are ON the C drive or the E drive." Wow, the information is getting more helpful by the minute! Another noteworthy piece, there are 8 bits in a byte! I never knew that! Awesome! One of our drives in one of our servers is 7200 RPM! Really, Rod? Any idea which one? (He had no idea which one, of course - stating only "the new one" as though explaining it to a small child). I also found out we likely are running a lot of our important stuff on machines about 10 years old. Great. Can't wait for the day that fails, and I have to fix it - because he's "not interested in doing that now." It just keeps getting better and better!
Poor Rod is just so... out of touch. On Friday, he was having trouble saying something, and so he stammered out "Katie, I LOVE YOU! I just have trouble SAYING it sometimes." Again, definitely one of those moments I could have used assistance in scraping my chin off the floor. While I always appreciate declarations of affection, this one seemed a tad bit over the top.
As we know, I have contracted "garbage duty." Jennifer even calls me GiGi now, for Garbage Girl. Great, thanks. Really, I mean that. Two weeks ago, I gave Rod a list of things we need here in the office. They still have not been ordered. On that list is a request for trash bags (and a garbage can for Jen). This will make my job much cleaner, and much much easier for my ego to bear. However, on Friday, we still didn't have bags. So, when I went to dump out all the trash in Rod's garbage (which was almost entirely paper), I proceeded to completely upend the can. Of course, the half full cup of coffee he had hidden in there just had to tumble in such a way so as to spill sour milk and coffee all over my hand and shirt, while still landing in the bag at the end of its journey. Just the topper I needed for my Friday! Now on top of knowing of Rod's love, I also get to smell of sour milk and coffee.
Does anyone wonder why I need a strong drink at the end of a day? I think I need to start drinking at the beginning and middle of the day, too.
Rod and I had a meeting today about file archival. It turned into a meeting about sending him an email template regarding something else entirely that I had already sent him. I just nodded and said, yessir, I can send that information to you again. Well, this put his tail feathers in a bunch. He did not want something I had already sent him. No. He wanted something different. "WE ARE NOT COMMUNICATING" he said. Oh God. That made me roll my eyes. I knew what was coming next: He made me repeat back to him what he was saying and what I would do. (That is such a great communication technique! I am so glad he is patient and teaches me these things) So for the 6th time (I counted), I said: "I will send you the custom template for the email that will be going out." I added in my head "And it will be a forward of the exact same email I emailed you two weeks ago with the exact same information you are requesting now. (But I didn't use my outside voice for that part.)
Well, Rod is due back from his swimming for the day, and I'm starving. Eating when Rod returns gives me a reason to blatantly ignore him completely, so it's the best time to do it. And hey, I even got paid today! It just doesn't get any better than a day at Acme.
Eye Tee Girl
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday Happy Dance
Yay! It's Friday again. I tell you truly, I have never before looked forward to Fridays as I do here. Never. When I get my first paid day off (Thanksgiving) I will definitely be giving thanks. (And no, I won't be coming in the next day, I have to figure out how to finesse that. Please post your suggestions to help me weasel out of work on Friday and still get paid. You can even post anonymously now!)
Rod never ceases to impress me with his repertoire of odd things to say. For instance, he recently wanted to chase down a sale. Only he phrased it "We're going after this customer like a bad smell!" Now, he thought it was funny to say that, and I suppose it was funny to hear it. But I have absolutely no idea what it means. Is he referring to the way a fart sticks to someone, and even though they may fart in another room, they can still bring their stink in with them as it piggy backs to the new location? Is he therefore calling us something akin to a fart? That's a rather nasty thought... Or is he trying to say that he's going after this customer like you'd attack a foul stench in the room, and do everything you can to get rid of it? If it's the latter, I think he needs to work on his customer service skills, because you don't want to tuck your nose under your shirt and wave the air madly directly in front of a customer - customers tend not to hang around when confronted with this type of behavior. And lastly, as we know from an earlier post, while Rod is good at making stinkies, he is not so good at eliminating them. So while, at times, he can be mildly entertaining... it still just doesn't ... quite... work.
Yesterday, Rod wore a different cologne. Thank heavens, because his usual smell, while not necessarily offensive, was a smell that I just don't like. I suppose it's his soap or something? Sorta like a really bad English Leather rip off. Anyway, it was nice to have a different Rod smell in the office, and I think it proves he had a date yesterday. Jennifer and I just can't figure out why else he was so happy yesterday. I mean, for crying out loud, he was whistling! Actually whistling! And it may have even been a merry tune! Crazy.
This is probably why I've had to dig for stories lately. If Rod's in a good mood, there just isn't as much material!
Poor Jen has been sick for three or four days now. The weather's been fantastic, but for her, the skies just weren't as bright of a blue. Today, it is raining. Jen is coughing over there like she has been almost all week. She was telling me about nursing her cough last night when Rod pipes up: "Oh, nonsense, Jennifer! You're just MOPING about the RAIN!" Oh, really, Rod? Then what has she been doing the rest of the week? I think it has completely escaped his notice that she has been sick almost all weak. Lame-O!
"Have you ever gone LIMP on your COMPany?" he asked a client this morning. Is there an interpreter in the house? Hopefully you can tell me that this is not a sexual reference. Ick Factor +3
Rod and I were clearly disagreeing on a simple point today. He thought a Microsoft product did X and Y, while I think it only does X (at least, straight out of the box it only does X. However, you can usually regedit or hack your way through anything MS). So I said "We just disagree." He paused and looked at the wall for a long time while tenting his fingers and leaning back in his chair. He was kinda squinting. Then he looked at me "Define 'disagree'." OMG, Really? So I said, "Do you know what agree means? I mean the opposite of that." He didn't think it was funny, but Jennifer and I sure did.
That was when I noticed he wheezes in a whistly phlegmy type of way. Ick Factor +6
Rod used the last (all but 3 squares) of the toilet paper in the bathroom. And not only did he not replace the empty roll, he didn't even make sure there was any paper in the bathroom. Use whatever imagery you desire to picture someone very uncomfortable while fetching more tp for the bathroom. NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!
While speaking to a customer, Rod said "I don't know if you want to get into office politics... " There was a long pause, I'm sure you know what word came next. "BUT... a coworker and I disagree about something." He proceeded to tell the customer about our whole argument, never having given the gentleman on the other end a chance to say "No, please don't drag me into your sewers!" Rod just doesn't understand social niceties. Or maybe he does and just really enjoys making people feel uncomfortable. Like when he met my partner this week. "Soooo, I have to TELL you... Katie's been sharing details of your LOVE life with me." WTF? Even if I had (which I hadn't) how is that appropriate to tell someone while he's holding his hand out to meet you? (It's not) Whatever the case, wherever Rod walks, he is bound to make someone else feel slimier for the encounter.
As Rod left, (For swimming? For lunch?) he said he was going to the liquor store. To help calm his nerves after such a trying day. I mentioned I like a fine tequila. He said "I think it's every man for himself!" Sigh. No matter how hard I try, I just can't make sense out of this man.
Anyway, the good news is that it is FRIDAY! I am going to see a movie this weekend! And drink lots and lots of alcohol. Give me comments, folks! In this insane place, words of sanity and wisdom are all I can cling to. REALLY! And you can post anonymously, so nobody need know who you are (even me!)
Enjoy the time away from work, everyone, I know I will.
I remain,
Eye Tee Girl
Rod never ceases to impress me with his repertoire of odd things to say. For instance, he recently wanted to chase down a sale. Only he phrased it "We're going after this customer like a bad smell!" Now, he thought it was funny to say that, and I suppose it was funny to hear it. But I have absolutely no idea what it means. Is he referring to the way a fart sticks to someone, and even though they may fart in another room, they can still bring their stink in with them as it piggy backs to the new location? Is he therefore calling us something akin to a fart? That's a rather nasty thought... Or is he trying to say that he's going after this customer like you'd attack a foul stench in the room, and do everything you can to get rid of it? If it's the latter, I think he needs to work on his customer service skills, because you don't want to tuck your nose under your shirt and wave the air madly directly in front of a customer - customers tend not to hang around when confronted with this type of behavior. And lastly, as we know from an earlier post, while Rod is good at making stinkies, he is not so good at eliminating them. So while, at times, he can be mildly entertaining... it still just doesn't ... quite... work.
Yesterday, Rod wore a different cologne. Thank heavens, because his usual smell, while not necessarily offensive, was a smell that I just don't like. I suppose it's his soap or something? Sorta like a really bad English Leather rip off. Anyway, it was nice to have a different Rod smell in the office, and I think it proves he had a date yesterday. Jennifer and I just can't figure out why else he was so happy yesterday. I mean, for crying out loud, he was whistling! Actually whistling! And it may have even been a merry tune! Crazy.
This is probably why I've had to dig for stories lately. If Rod's in a good mood, there just isn't as much material!
Poor Jen has been sick for three or four days now. The weather's been fantastic, but for her, the skies just weren't as bright of a blue. Today, it is raining. Jen is coughing over there like she has been almost all week. She was telling me about nursing her cough last night when Rod pipes up: "Oh, nonsense, Jennifer! You're just MOPING about the RAIN!" Oh, really, Rod? Then what has she been doing the rest of the week? I think it has completely escaped his notice that she has been sick almost all weak. Lame-O!
"Have you ever gone LIMP on your COMPany?" he asked a client this morning. Is there an interpreter in the house? Hopefully you can tell me that this is not a sexual reference. Ick Factor +3
Rod and I were clearly disagreeing on a simple point today. He thought a Microsoft product did X and Y, while I think it only does X (at least, straight out of the box it only does X. However, you can usually regedit or hack your way through anything MS). So I said "We just disagree." He paused and looked at the wall for a long time while tenting his fingers and leaning back in his chair. He was kinda squinting. Then he looked at me "Define 'disagree'." OMG, Really? So I said, "Do you know what agree means? I mean the opposite of that." He didn't think it was funny, but Jennifer and I sure did.
That was when I noticed he wheezes in a whistly phlegmy type of way. Ick Factor +6
Rod used the last (all but 3 squares) of the toilet paper in the bathroom. And not only did he not replace the empty roll, he didn't even make sure there was any paper in the bathroom. Use whatever imagery you desire to picture someone very uncomfortable while fetching more tp for the bathroom. NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!
While speaking to a customer, Rod said "I don't know if you want to get into office politics... " There was a long pause, I'm sure you know what word came next. "BUT... a coworker and I disagree about something." He proceeded to tell the customer about our whole argument, never having given the gentleman on the other end a chance to say "No, please don't drag me into your sewers!" Rod just doesn't understand social niceties. Or maybe he does and just really enjoys making people feel uncomfortable. Like when he met my partner this week. "Soooo, I have to TELL you... Katie's been sharing details of your LOVE life with me." WTF? Even if I had (which I hadn't) how is that appropriate to tell someone while he's holding his hand out to meet you? (It's not) Whatever the case, wherever Rod walks, he is bound to make someone else feel slimier for the encounter.
As Rod left, (For swimming? For lunch?) he said he was going to the liquor store. To help calm his nerves after such a trying day. I mentioned I like a fine tequila. He said "I think it's every man for himself!" Sigh. No matter how hard I try, I just can't make sense out of this man.
Anyway, the good news is that it is FRIDAY! I am going to see a movie this weekend! And drink lots and lots of alcohol. Give me comments, folks! In this insane place, words of sanity and wisdom are all I can cling to. REALLY! And you can post anonymously, so nobody need know who you are (even me!)
Enjoy the time away from work, everyone, I know I will.
I remain,
Eye Tee Girl
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