Monday.

Really, I don't think there is an uglier word for me, in my life right now, all things considered.  The disappointment that I had to return to work after the holiday- that started Saturday morning.  And this morning, in fact, I had to fight back tears before coming through the door to face Rod.

Today has been no exception for the funny stories.  Or ironic.  Or unjust.  Or... well, just plain senseless.
 
I like a lunch hour as much as the next person.  Primarily, I like to eat during said hour.  If I don't eat, well, I get grumpy.  There, I admitted it.  I get cranky if I don't eat.  And I get uncomfortable, tummy all rumbly and gurgly.  I don't think it's that difficult, when consulting someone else's calendar and modifying it, to make sure you aren't booking appointments back to back through a reasonable lunch time.  Now, by lunchtime, I mean simply say, 11 - 2. Somewhere in there, leave an hour free.  But time and time again, Jen will carefully leave me a time slot to eat, only to have Rod snag it up.  So, I went through and created a 12:30-1:30 repeating occurrence so nobody could book that hour.  Until December 2010.  Oh, the satisfaction I felt!  Knowing that one day Rod would find that and, I figured, completely flip his lid. On Wednesday, he found it, and, surprisingly, said it was a great idea.  I even offered to remove it if we could work something else out!  No, no, he said, he liked it!!  Today, apparently he found out it changes things in my "pending" tab.  Well, this is clearly unacceptable, even though clicking on the "date" button changes the sort so he can see what is really "pending."   So, after much confusion and  frustration and finagling, I had to remove the occurrence, and then put on the white board : KATIE LUNCH 12:30 - 1:30.  My favorite part of the conversation is when Rod said that if he couldn't manage to remember that, then it would be his fault if I got booked full on without a lunch.  Imagine that, Rod is owning a little responsibility!  (Trust me, I know he will book me during a lunch, and I know he will try to make it my fault, but for now, let me feel victorious.)

So I trotted over to dutifully put my lunch hour up on the white board.  And was reminded of what has been there for over a week now:

WEEKLY OFFICE TASKS:
GARBAGE.........KATIE (x)
VACUUMING.....JENNIFER (x)
BATHROOM......ROD (  )

So I asked.  Quite cheerfully.  "Hey, Rod, did you clean the bathroom yet?  I can check it off for you if you did!"  His reply was a quietly muttered "No, I'm still working on it."  Pause.  "Hey, how come I have to clean the bathroom anyway?"  So I reminded him of the conversation we had about a month ago.  We said Jen vacuums, I take out the trash, and you said you'd clean the bathroom.  In fact, I reminded him, "You are the one who started the conversation by saying you'd clean the bathroom!"  I was proud for remembering that tidbit!  He was gruff when he said "No, I didn't! I said I'd clean the toilet basin!  Not the floor!"  Well, since the floor is where his pee hits when it splashes in that bowl, there's no way I'm going to clean that floor.  Hell to the no.  I didn't say that.  Instead, I pointed out "For three weeks now, I've been taking care of taking out everyone else's garbage without a word of complaint! And Jen has vacuumed up our dirt!  The least you can do is the bathroom!  Three weeks Rod, I've taken out your garbage! And never, not once, not a single word of thanks!"  Of course, the silence that filled the room was deafening.  (No apology was forthcoming, either). 
 
The more I think about it, the more I think Rod is actually just a 4 year old, not wanting to do his chores, getting others to do them for him, and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way.  It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
 
A few minutes ago, Rod printed some checks. After taking them back to his desk, I heard him ripping them apart on the perforations. Frip, frip, frip went the tears. Then, suddenly, the awful sound of actual paper tearing.  This couldn't be good news, since I know he was prepping checks.  Sure enough.  "SHIT! GODDAMMIT!"  Then silence.  I could picture him, looking at his checks, now torn, wondering what to do next.  Almost like a child, I could picture his expression: Shock, anger, horror in looking at all that spilled milk...  Then, I heard the unmistakable sound of Scotch tape being pulled off a roll and ripped.  Two or three times.  So he must have had his checks stacked when the tearing went awry, and it tore not one, but three checks.  Nice one, Rod!  And now, he thinks Scotch taping together his checks will be acceptable to his bank when his creditors try to cash said torn checks. So professional!

Rod just took a call and told the person, whoever it was, that it was inappropriate to be calling him at work.  He said he was too busy, and then he said 2:30 would be a good time to call him.  At work.  Hmm.  I swear to you, not 30 seconds later, the phone rang again, and he began speakin to that person at length and in depth about their betting results from the long weekend.  I love, love the double standards that abound here.

That's about it for today.  Oh, here's a snapshot to keep you thinking, as it got me thinking:

Who on Earth thinks something like this is funny?

Eye Tee Girl

Where there's a will, there's a tyrant.

In today's torture meeting, Rod had focus, determination, grit!  Which meant he was going to make me do what he wanted, regardless of ridiculosity, and regardless of my input.

It was all about the scheduled call report today.  Now, I don't have calls scheduled for sales, which is what most people think when reviewing scheduled calls in Goldmine.  No.  I am to track technical issues in Goldmine.  This is fine with me, I have been in IT for a long time - I know the routine.  Documenting calls and keeping the status updated is second nature to me.  Until now.  Rod wants them written his way.  For instance, if a customer is getting a specific error when installing the product, I am used to typing in that error, listing what I did to troubleshoot, and if unresolved, leaving the ticket (or scheduled call in this case) open.  Rod wants me to close each "call" when I do additional work on something, open a new scheduled call, and then, I must use the words "Will resolve the issue blah blah blah"  Call me crazy, but if there is a pending call under a contact, and the description is that the customer is getting errors, I would think it is intuitive to assume that it is being worked on and that every time you call that person in the future, you are hoping to resolve the issue.  But no.  I must list out, in every scheduled call "Will resolve issue: "  Sigh.  "We are NOT commUnicating!  What did I just say?"  Oh, God, not the "We need to communicate better so you have to repeat everything I say" lecture!  But yes.  I had to repeat everything he said.  Which wouldn't be anywhere near as difficult if he had one coherent sentence.  But he doesn't.  He always ends his thoughts/sentences on a different topic than what he started with, and it usually takes him full minutes to say something simple, like "When will you be doing this?"  So we always have difficulty communicating! I can't remember his entire sentence by the time he finally finishes it!!!  Anyway,  after that exercise in frustration was over, Rod then reviewed my current call list and told me I must change all of the scheduled technical calls on that list to now read "Will resolve issue" as though I can see into the future.  Unbelievable.  But I guess he's paying me to waste time, so who am I to complain?  (Well, I will, when he gets on me for not having finished something else he decided he wanted done.)

Occasionally, I believe I have mentioned, I leave my coat on the spare chair in my cubical.  Today, Rod moved it (without asking, of course) to the top of a dusty bin behind him.  I asked him to please ask me what he should do with my things if he must move them.  He got very irritated by my request and he said "Well, I'd apPRECiate it if you didn't LEAVE it on the CHAIR."  So I said again, "Please ask me to move it then.  Don't just put it where ever you want."  Harrumph was all he said.  Not 20 minutes later, a package arrived!

If you flop your head to the left, you can see he has received a large order of steaks, pork chops, fish, and other assorted goodies, included a cutlery set.  I wonder what the bank would think if they saw this order?  You know, the bank that he won't pay?  And it's been hours now, sitting happily in the chair where my jacket so offended him earlier today.  Sometimes, the hypocrisy here really bugs me.

Remember we can't have personal conversations now?  Since we made that agreement, today Rod has had three in the office, and 2 outside.  I even had to hear about the status of his electric razor that is in for repairs.  How blatant can one be when imposing such a double standard?  He takes the cake.

Instead of emailing me, or asking me something with his voice, I recently found a note to me under contact "Support" for our company.  It asked when I was planning on sending out the mass email.  Hm.  Seems like an odd way to communicate to me, but then, I take it as a compliment that Rod and I do not seem to think alike when it comes to communication styles.

This week has been rather slow in the humor department, but chalk that up to the short week an the fact that most people aren't really working this week.  At least, not in the US.  I'm sure the quotes will be back next week, along with a much healthier dose of humor. 

As a side note, no, I have not come up with a way to get out of working on Friday.  I think I will "work" from home for a few hours and call it good.

Have a terrific holiday, everyone! I know I will!

Eye Tee Girl

The sound of silence

Sometimes, silence is highly underrated.  It gets a bad rap, too.  "There was an awkward silence."  Or... "There were a lot of silent pauses in our conversation."  I don't think silence is deserving of this type of degradation.  These people don't understand, they have never dealt with, people like Rod.
Today, Rod has been mostly quiet.  What a relief.  Yesterday, well, let's just say after yesterday, the days can only get better.

I have taken a vow of silence.  Unless directly asked a question, I have been silent all day.  I have been employing the monosyllabic silent treatment, I guess you could say. 

Today, Rod came in and said "Good Morning!" full of good cheer.  Since my morning was ruined the minute I remembered I had to go to work (Oddly enough, this was about 5 minutes into my shower), I couldn't really agree that it was a good morning.  I replied simply "morning," but I was really saying "mourning."
 
I put on headphones.  I listed to the new Susan Boyle cd for a bit, but it was boring.  So Madonna came next.  Perfect mix of 80's and dance.  I said not a word, and not a word was said to me.  Perfect!  Then Jen came in, and the cheery "Good morning, Jen!" from Rod.  She was nicer, of course, and actually spoke to him in full sentences.  I was still pouting.
 
I think, perhaps, hours went by.  I got a lot of work done.  It was amazing!  Followed up with customers, read some documentation, got some documentation done, finished up some call notes, it was really a good day.  Until...

Rod spoiled it.  He wanted to have a pre-meeting for the meeting.  His topic, those pesky Capacity Planning reports.  The topic of the actual meeting?  Working with the developer to get the software working.  I pointed out the dichotomy, and he said "I appreciate that," in a tone that really said, "Shut up."  Over to my cubicle he wandered, and he proceeded to ramble, as usual, about everything except the upcoming meeting.  We talked about documentation we have here in the office, we talked about the difficulty of reaching developers, we even discussed web site changes, but for those 20 minutes, we absolutely did not even once discuss the upcoming meeting.

I took notes in the "pre-meeting."  He was listing random things for me to do, so I started writing them down - I didn't want to forget.  Come up with a best practices document, he thought that was a great idea!  Read all documentation for one of our products, including install guide, implementation guides, etc.  That's well over 1000 pages of literature.  When am I supposed to do this?  I guarantee, I don't have the time to do that much reading, but he will expect it of me at some odd, random moment in the future.
 
He even wants me to type up a document that lists the things I don't know.
 
Think about that one for a minute. 
 
Yes, a list of all the things I don't know and would like training on.  I don't know about you, but the list of things I don't know is far longer than the list of things I do know.  Anyway, as he saw me writing, he said, with a sloppy gesture at my notepad: "Where is THAT document you are always writing on?  Where is that ELECTRONICALLY stored?"  I was stymied.  These are just my own personal notes. I was supposed to be typing them?  "Umm, they're not.  I guess I don't want to duplicate all the effort.  It's easier for me to write notes when we are speaking than to type them."  It was a true answer.  "Yes, I know that, but HOW am I supPOSED to KNOW what you are WORKing on if I can't find the DOCument?"  I smiled and patted my note pad.  "It's all right here!  That's the beauty of paper!  It's not filed in some crazy mapped drive on the network!  You can look through this any time you want to find out what I'm working on!"  I thought it was brilliant.  I thought he'd love having permission to go through my stuff!  Alas, no.  I am to start typing up my notes for him, putting them out on the network, making sure I put the file location in a footer, and then, yes, even printing it out for him.  Tree killer.

So, he finally left.  As he was on his way out, he asked if I knew how to place a conference call.  "Yes," I said, "Didn't I just do that yesterday when you were on the phone with me?"  His reply "I don't, know, DID YOU?" was just ridiculous.  What do you say to that 6 year old mentality?  I sighed sadly, dejectedly.  "Yes, Rod, I did.  I'm sorry you don't remember."
 
Maybe this is just a bad week for me, what with the holidays coming up and having other things on my mind.  But the only good thing about working here (besides the 15 minute, out-of-doors conversation I get with Jen) is getting to write this blog, and hopefully entertaining a few of you everyday.  This place, this man, are really starting to wear me down.  I need a break, badly.  I need this upcoming 4 day holiday more than I can express. 
 
Oh, wait.... That's right.  I don't even get Friday off because I work for Ebeneezer. 

Eye Tee Girl

I thought I had out-grown bullies...

Allow me to start today's blog with a disclaimer.  It has been very rough in the office already (I am starting the blog early today at 10:30).  Rod has been condescending, bullying us, and is being completely unreasonable.  None of this is shocking, but the over-the-top conversations that are occurring today mean that this blog will be less humor oriented, and may just end up being cathartic for me.
 
The day started pleasantly enough.  I asked Rod how his weekend was, then when Jen came in, I asked her.  She said great!  Then said in a low voice later that, essentially, lots of crazy things had happened and she couldn't wait to tell me at lunch.  Cool!  Something to look forward to.
 
Rod is a bully.  I'm sure this isn't a surprise to you.  It is to me.  The last time I had to deal with a true bully was 8th grade.  I am right back on that bus today, getting bullied. The difference is, I'm an adult now, and I will not be bullied.

In fact, I am very close to just walking out.  Perhaps for the day, perhaps forever.  It's bad here today.

It started with Rod bullying Jennifer about email and subject lines.  Remember how IMPORTANT email subjects are to Rod from one of my very first posts?  He asked her "Now, Jennifer, come here a minute.  What is the purpose of a subject in an email?"  Jennifer said "To let people know what the email is about."  Rod replied "EXACTLY.  To let people KNOW what the EMAIL is ABOUT.  Is that NEW to you? What the SUBJECT is FOR?"  The sneer that laced his tone was shocking.  It also put me on guard.

He went on to say the same thing to her over and over, just like he did me on my first day.  Finally, I interrupted to say "I don't mean to eavesdrop, but she definitely understands what you are saying.  You are just grinding it in at this point."  Well, that sure put a kink in his tail!  He came rushing out of his cube and stood in front of mine.  He said "Well, if everyone is going to be chiming IN, let's talk about this.  Jennifer, come here."  When Jen took the three steps forward necessary to "come here," he continued. "I'm sure you're already irritated with me...."  (Ya think?) "BUT...Now, this PERSONAL converSAtion in the OFFICE needs to stop.  I don't want to hear all this personal crap."  Jennifer and I were perplexed.  Our eyes popped.  I said, "Are you serious?  We can't even ask how a weekend went?!"  He replied "Well, now, yes, you CAN ask that, but then it's this whole WHISPERING thing that goes on later, it's just NOT NECESSARY."  Oh geez.  Really?  "So we can't have personal conversation on our lunch hour, we can't have conversation at any time, even in hushed tones.  This is what you're saying."  Rod said "YEAH! Take it OUTSIDE!"  I just looked at the 40 degree rain falling outside the window and rolled my eyes.  Jen did too.  I made it clear that if this is a new rule that would be instituted, then it should be applicable to all.  He said quite loudly at me, "Do you mean the conversations I have with my BROTHERS?"  I simply said, "I just want to make sure this applies to all of us and our personal conversations."  Whatever.  Fine, nothing personal in the office again.  I get it.  Unbelievable.

Here's an example of another exchange with the Unreasonable Bully:
     "Jennifer, do you have time for a meeting?"
     "Mm-hmm"
     [silence]
     "Jennifer, do you have time for a meeting?"
     "Yes, Rod, I have time right now."
     "Ok, well, you need to tell me you have time for a meeting if you have time."
     "Yes, Rod, I have time for a meeting."
     "Ok, because you need to tell me."

Maybe I should have clued in that he's having an off day when he staggered and fell into a cubicle wall.  Silly me, I attributed it to clumsiness, but now I'm beginning to wonder.

Rod told Jennifer to enter in notes for a call she didn't participate in.  Hmmm.  I don't think that will be easy.

Jennifer:  "Rod, you're not listening to me, you're not letting me finish any sentences."
Rod:  "That's right, I'm not."
Wow.  This stuff just boggles my mind today.

Rod: "Don't assume I'll remember anything."  Don't worry, Rod, we don't.

I mean, this guy is for REAL.  Does he think this foul abuse of us encourages us to go out and make sales for him?  To work extra hard for him?  Well, it doesn't.  All it does is make us work just hard enough to not get fired.

And not one iota more.


Eye Tee Girl

And the other shoe drops...

I should've known this week was just too good to be true.  The airy nature, the lack of arguments, the smiling, the whistling... was it all a dream?

Needless to say, the Rod who loves confrontation showed up again today.  I caught on right away that he was back to his old ways when he decided to argue with Jennifer on one of his favorite topics: The customer is always wrong.  Now, I think most of us have learned the opposite:  The customer is always right.  Right?  And aren't we taught, even as children, to do what we can to help a customer?  Depending on the job, that could mean anything from holding a door open, helping jump start a car, or, yes, even spending some extra time on the phone, supporting them after having purchased a product of yours.  This is clearly not Rod's philosophy.  Rod, I think, thrives when he can pick apart a customer and their procedures.  Especially if it presents an obstacle for Rod getting to his money.  In this particular example, when Jen explained that the customer wanted a demo so they could then present our solution to management (a fairly normal occurance, right?), Rod said loudly and gruffly:  "I don't like hearing that."  Well, too bad, Rod.  That's how they do it.  Nope, that wasn't what he wanted.  He just wanted the customer to buy buy buy.  He told Jen to find out when they were planning on buying this product.  Jennifer almost snorted a laugh.  "You mean, just call them and say 'Hey, when are you going to give us money?' I can't do that!"  Well, my guess is Rod didn't like hearing that either, because he launched into a long string of reasons that the customer was wrong as though Jennifer could control what the customer was doing!  Impossible man!
 
During that conversation, Rod told Jen 4 times to "Make the CUStomer UNderSTAND the BUSiness propoSItion of our software."  Check that.  He's up to 5 times now.  Five times he said that same phrase!  "We want to MOTivate this guy!  It's IMPORTant that he UNderSTAND the BUSiness propoSItion of our PROduct!"  What else can you say to someone like this?  We just roll our eyes and say "Yes, Rod."
 
Let's take a moment to share some favorite recent quotes:
 
"You have to turn in business in addition to being a friend."  Hmm.  Ok.  Right.
 
"Is it sexist if I call this client a BITCH?" 
 
"I couldn't help but notice you have an AFRICAN AMERICAN, a very LARGE African American on your football team's defense."  I suppose he thinks he's not being racist if he says the term African American while he's sneering.
 
He's told people several times today that it's been raining solidly for 3 weeks.  I guess he forgot the beautiful week of sunshine last week.  Oh wait, that's right, I remember he told someone last week that it was raining when it was sunny.  Does he just want people to think it rains all the time in Seattle?  Or do you suppose he just can't judge weather any better than he can judge appropriate business conversation topics?

I scheduled a call for Rod, one of the developers, and me.  I put it on Rod's calendar early yesterday morning.  Today, Rod decided to book a webinar for that same time.  A few hours later, he realized his mistake.  He then asked me to call the customer and fix the problem.  I politely declined the invitation and said, essentially, that if he got himself into the kettle of fish, then he could get himself out.  He begrudgingly said ok, and then said "I thought we were a TEAM here, supPORTing one another."  I asked "Rod, is that a fancy way of asking me to clean up your messes for you?"  He said, "Well, yes, just like I clean up yours!"  I wanted to ask him to tell me of the last time he'd had to clean up one of my messes, but figured it would be best to keep my mouth shut this time.
 

Well, it's Friday, anyway.  That's always something to look forward to.  Oh, and did I mention?  Rod overpaid me a few hundred bucks on this last paycheck.  That works for me... I have a full keg in my basement now, just waiting to be tapped tonight!  Happy sigh.

Have a great weekend everyone, and until next week, I wish you better times at your office than I have at mine!


Eye Tee Girl

Hormones and Good Cheer

You know how, in the movies, when the hero gets laid, in the next scene, he'll waltz onto the screen, happy, singing, and maybe even whistling?  Well, that is how much Rod has changed now that he's getting some.  (Or has a girlfriend at least).  It is the weirdest thing to see him in such good cheer.  There has been a serious personality shift.
 
Unfortunately, it would appear that with this good fortune comes a serious side effect when someone starts getting laid.  Er, gets a girlfriend.  It would seem that Rod's back has gone out on him.  Now, I don't know for sure that the new girlfriend is putting out, but combine the good cheer and recent back injury?  I'm sure boss man is tappin' some o' that.

He was talking to his brother yesterday and he mentioned he has a "lady friend."  (Why does it seem so tacky and lascivious when an old man calls his girl friend his "lady friend?")  But I digress... While on the phone with his brother, Rod asked his brother to not call him on his 1-800 line, because he gets charged.  His recommendation to his brother (we'll call him Bob) is that Bob use his cell phone instead, because then Bob will have to incur the expenses.  What a penny pincher!  Sheesh, won't even cover the bill for his own brother to call him!

As the conversation progressed, he spoke more of the lady friend.  And then, to my horror, he said that he'd be more than happy to share "the lay of the land, so to speak! HO HA HO HA!!  That is to say, I have more IRONS in the fire, HO HA!  I will send you some LINKS."  Oh... my... GOD.  Is he talking about sharing his girlfriend?  Or something only slightly less nefarious, like he is dating someone now, but has other girls on match.com that he is checking out? (Rod is on match.com at least half of every work day.)  Either way, sharing them with his brother?  I mean, damn!  Ick Factor+5 either way.  100 additional points if he is talking about sharing the girlfriend.

So a woman called Rod on his cell phone.  I could hear her voice.  He said "It's my mother! My mother!" He was yelling excitedly.  The poor woman was obviously confused by Rod's mistake and there was stunned silence on the other end of the phone.  "My mother is in HEAVEN!"  Hmm. I'm not sure what he was trying to say.  My thinking is maybe he was trying to poetically compare her to an angel?  But never quite got it out right.  Anyway, he then went on to say, "Ok, I'm at your web site..." I don't know many women with web sites, and those that do, well, let's just say I wouldn't visit their sites while at work.  (Well, I never would, but I think you get my point).

As I mentioned, Rod managed to hurt his back "somehow" over the last day or two.  He has now managed to tell four separate people (including customers, not counting Jennifer and me) that his back is out. "My lower back, LOWER BACK has ISSUES and it is imPEDing my sleep."  He just likes telling people about his libido being sore.  (Think he means lumbago?)

Instead of saying "ought" like "awt," he pronounces it "Out"

Rod has named his truck "Rooster," (talk about over-compensation with a vehicle) and told me he only drives it when there is inclement weather.  Considering the flood and wind warnings that are in effect until Sunday (and have been most of this week), it seems odd to me he has been driving his sedan all week.  I guess he thinks a dented old Lexus will make a better impression on his lady friend?  You make the call.

Well, off I go back to work.  Rod is due back from the Doctor's soon.  Maybe his "libido" will keep him home all day.  Maybe his lady friend can help! ;)

Eye Tee Girl

The tramp has a lady!

We finally got the official word, Rod is dating someone.  It's a sad shame that I can't tell you her real name, as that alone is an excellent blog story. I will try to think of a name that I can use that will parallel the story line.  But for now, just know it is killing me not to come out with the real one!
 
In the meantime, he wasted no time giving me other material today...
 
This morning, Rod came in (an hour later than usual... Hmmm...) and announced, "Katie! I have been THINKING about you!!!"  He was so excited, I was very afraid of what was coming next.  "You know I listen to King FM and TODAY.... AHEERMMEEMMM!!... Today! They were playing a VIENNESE waltz."  Oh, God, no, no, please no.  Nonononononono... "AND... I THOUGHT how WONDERFUL it would be to go DANCING with you"  Oh crap, there it is.  He said it.  It's out in the open now.  Think!  Quick! What to say now?? "Oh, mm hmmm, really?"  "YES! Both you and JENNIFER too!  Out dancing with my two FAVORITE girls!!"  Well, obviously, he was being taken away by the fantasy.  Me, I needed a healthy dose of Calgon to take me away from the vision.  Oh well, maybe later...
 
Rod is definitely a different person when there is a girlfriend in the picture.  He has hardly grumped at either Jennifer or me today!  And only a couple times yesterday.  I think he got some over the weekend.  It's the only thing that can explain things like: 

Jennifer says he has never before written "Great" on an invoice.  It's like getting a test back in second grade, complete with teacher's comments!  Maybe next time, he will include a Precious Moments stamp?  Or a Hello Kitty sticker? 
 

Who is this man, and what has he done with Rod??
 

I'm sure it's no surprise.  Rod isn't very good at bookkeeping.  Yesterday, I found it peculiar when he started collecting up the recyclables in the office.  I inquired.  He said "My terminal's being used."  Hmm.  Peculiar jargon.  What is this "terminal" of which he speaks?  I asked Jennifer as soon as he went outside.  "Oh!! Right, he means that his accountant is using his computer right now!"  I peeked.  Sure enough, someone was using a remote admin agent to control Rod's computer and was going through his finances (no, Rod is not clever enough to turn off a monitor when someone else is going through his finances).  Whoa.  That just seemed like a little too much trust in your banker, y'know what I'm sayin?  So, anyway, today he was speaking to his accountant about all his finances, deposits, withdrawals, different banks, and so forth.  Finally, after mentioning everyone's payroll checks (by dollar amount, not by check number, nice) he said he thinks the bank is wrong.  Now, I'm not sure what he thinks the bank is wrong about, and I'm not a betting person, but if I were, and knowing Rod like I do, I would put my money on the bank being 100% right.
 

To a customer:  "Have you installed this piece of crap software yet?"  (no commentary necessary, right?)

To Jennifer: "There's nothing wrong with pretending you're stupid." Except, when you do it, you're not pretending, right, Rod?
 

Rod:  "So how is Kyle doing on his football team?"
Customer:  "Rod! Check your customer notes.  My son's name is Alex!"
 
This is all I have time for today, I will surely be back tomorrow!

Eye Tee Girl

A hoodwink and a smile...

So, with Jennifer being sick, of course, I got to hear how Rod has been even sicker!  HIS sinus infections, apparently, were so intense, he actually had his sinuses removed.

You read that right.

Rod has had his sinuses removed.  Yes, you know them: the space in your head that is usually empty?  Rod had those empty air gaps removed.  That's kinda like letting the air out of an empty coffee cup, isn't it?  I even asked him, this time, to verify he wasn't joking: "Oh, do you mean that surgery where they drill out the drain holes bigger?  So it doesn't plug up and get infected?"  His reply, "Yeah, no, they removed my sinuses.  That's what they told me, anyway." He nodded authoritatively. So no, he's not joking, and no, I'm not sure what they really did, but it makes me wonder if they really did anything at all... or if they just enjoyed drilling holes into his head after having to deal with him for 20 minutes.  Now that I think about it, in Rod's case, that would be akin to letting air out of an empty coffee cup...


I got my usual sammich up at Safeway today.  I like to take it apart when I get back and add a few things to it, such as mayo and pickles.  Today, I went over and, in front of the microwave, began the process of taking the sammich apart. In the middle of said sammich surgery, Rod decides to make his coffee for the next day.  Reaching across me, he had to get a filter, then reaching into the frig underneath me, he had to get the coffee, then it was getting his coffee cup from around the corner, then he fluffed up a new package of coffee.  I could see this one coming a mile away.  I grabbed my sammich and ran.  The next thing I heard was a violent ripping sound and then the sound of coffee grounds hitting a counter.  I escaped just in time, my sammich coffee free! It would appear as though Rod even cleaned up his mess!  Well, mostly...


Poor Rod, I don't think he's a drop to drink all day:

His coffee cup and water glass have been there for well over 3 hours.  Let me check.  Yep, they are still there now.  Only, now, they are also accompanied by some coffee filters, left over from the mess he made in the last story.  Sigh.



A banker (?) of some shady sort with a Russian accent came in today.  He was speaking to Rod about term loans, percentage rates, and saving $500.  I think I smelled something fishy, but Rod was very keen to learn more about saving $500.  At one point, he said "Wow, that'll get you... that must get you a lot of cocaine.  Do you know how much cocaine that will get you?"  The poor Russian, whom I'll dub "Yuri," had no idea.  Rod continued with a shout:  "JENNIFER! How much cocaine can $500 buy?"  Her eyes got huge.  Her mouth dropped open. "Umm, Rod, I have no idea how much it will buy."  In shock, I leaned around the corner to look at Rod.  I saw him suck in breath to ask me next, but I beat him to it "Don't lookit me, I don't know either!  Are you crazy?"  Poor Yuri was obviously uncomfortable, fidgeting with his blazer and avoiding eye contact.  A lot was said in the course of the conversation, which was ended on a happy note when Rod said "Well, that's ok, after all, the only thing we do is sit around here and snort cocaine all day."  Crazy, crazy man.


Rod has to write notes everywhere to remind him to do basic things (See an October post about the Wash your Hands memo in the bathroom - it's still there).  Today, there is a prominent note on his desk reminding him to get shampoo (italicized) and a razor (as his electric is broken).  I think I mentioned that we don't get the day after Thanksgiving off.  Rod wrote himself a note so he'd remember to tell us:

Now, I know it isn't perfectly clear (so sue me), but it is handwritten and says: Thanksgiving Annunement.  If he can't even write correctly, how on earth is he going to type?  You at least need to know what letters are actually in a word for spell checker to have a sporting chance!  Poor, poor Rod.

Well, off I trot to send out a "big announcement" about our software.  Here's hoping the list Rod gave me is actually accurate... 

Eye Tee Girl

Left to bear the brunt...

Remember that I mentioned Jennifer wasn't feeling well?  Today, she came in sounding like a frog and she had a swollen eye.  (As a side note, Rod was again completely shocked that Jennifer had gotten sick.  Knucklehead.) She went to see the dr, then went home. Apparently, she got a terrible sinus infection over the weekend and is now reaping the rewards:  Rod-free time.  Lucky son-of-a-gun!  As a result, Rod gets to focus all of his malcontent and boredom squarely on me. 


For instance, I had to sit through a lecture about RAID 1, 3, and 5 - which is a fancy way of saying "computer stuff" from a man who knows nothing about RAID, much less setting them up, nor even computers.  This lesson included such gems as "So... um, AHRREMMM! Our DATAbases sit on EITHER the C: drive or the E: drive." (Note: There are only two drives on this machine.  C: and E:)  "And you will FIND... all of our APPLICATIONS are ON the C drive or the E drive."  Wow, the information is getting more helpful by the minute!  Another noteworthy piece, there are 8 bits in a byte!  I never knew that! Awesome!  One of our drives in one of our servers is 7200 RPM!  Really, Rod?  Any idea which one?  (He had no idea which one, of course - stating only "the new one" as though explaining it to a small child).  I also found out we likely are running a lot of our important stuff on machines about 10 years old.  Great.  Can't wait for the day that fails, and I have to fix it - because he's "not interested in doing that now."  It just keeps getting better and better!


Poor Rod is just so... out of touch.  On Friday, he was having trouble saying something, and so he stammered out "Katie, I LOVE YOU!  I just have trouble SAYING it sometimes."  Again, definitely one of those moments I could have used assistance in scraping my chin off the floor.  While I always appreciate declarations of affection, this one seemed a tad bit over the top.
 
As we know, I have contracted "garbage duty."  Jennifer even calls me GiGi now, for Garbage Girl.  Great, thanks.  Really, I mean that.  Two weeks ago, I gave Rod a list of things we need here in the office.  They still have not been ordered.  On that list is a request for trash bags (and a garbage can for Jen).  This will make my job much cleaner, and much much easier for my ego to bear.  However, on Friday, we still didn't have bags.  So, when I went to dump out all the trash in Rod's garbage (which was almost entirely paper), I proceeded to completely upend the can.  Of course, the half full cup of coffee he had hidden in there just had to tumble in such a way so as to spill sour milk and coffee all over my hand and shirt, while still landing in the bag at the end of its journey.  Just the topper I needed for my Friday!  Now on top of knowing of Rod's love, I also get to smell of sour milk and coffee.
 
Does anyone wonder why I need a strong drink at the end of a day?  I think I need to start drinking at the beginning and middle of the day, too. 
 
Rod and I had a meeting today about file archival.  It turned into a meeting about sending him an email template regarding something else entirely that I had already sent him.  I just nodded and said, yessir, I can send that information to you again.  Well, this put his tail feathers in a bunch.  He did not want something I had already sent him.  No.  He wanted something different.  "WE ARE NOT COMMUNICATING" he said.  Oh God.  That made me roll my eyes.  I knew what was coming next:  He made me repeat back to him what he was saying and what I would do.  (That is such a great communication technique! I am so glad he is patient and teaches me these things) So for the 6th time (I counted), I said: "I will send you the custom template for the email that will be going out."  I added in my head "And it will be a forward of the exact same email I emailed you two weeks ago with the exact same information you are requesting now.  (But I didn't use my outside voice for that part.) 
 
Well, Rod is due back from his swimming for the day, and I'm starving.  Eating when Rod returns gives me a reason to blatantly ignore him completely, so it's the best time to do it.  And hey, I even got paid today! It just doesn't get any better than a day at Acme.



Eye Tee Girl

Friday Happy Dance

Yay!  It's Friday again.  I tell you truly, I have never before looked forward to Fridays as I do here.  Never.  When I get my first paid day off (Thanksgiving) I will definitely be giving thanks.  (And no, I won't be coming in the next day, I have to figure out how to finesse that.  Please post your suggestions to help me weasel out of work on Friday and still get paid.  You can even post anonymously now!)
 
Rod never ceases to impress me with his repertoire of odd things to say.  For instance, he recently wanted to chase down a sale.  Only he phrased it "We're going after this customer like a bad smell!"  Now, he thought it was funny to say that, and I suppose it was funny to hear it.  But I have absolutely no idea what it means.  Is he referring to the way a fart sticks to someone, and even though they may fart in another room, they can still bring their stink in with them as it piggy backs to the new location?  Is he therefore calling us something akin to a fart?  That's a rather nasty thought... Or is he trying to say that he's going after this customer like you'd attack a foul stench in the room, and do everything you can to get rid of it?  If it's the latter, I think he needs to work on his customer service skills, because you don't want to tuck your nose under your shirt and wave the air madly directly in front of a customer - customers tend not to hang around when confronted with this type of behavior.  And lastly, as we know from an earlier post, while Rod is good at making stinkies, he is not so good at eliminating them. So while, at times, he can be mildly entertaining... it still just doesn't ... quite... work.

Yesterday, Rod wore a different cologne. Thank heavens, because his usual smell, while not necessarily offensive, was a smell that I just don't like.  I suppose it's his soap or something?  Sorta like a really bad English Leather rip off.  Anyway, it was nice to have a different Rod smell in the office, and I think it proves he had a date yesterday.  Jennifer and I just can't figure out why else he was so happy yesterday.  I mean, for crying out loud, he was whistling!  Actually whistling!  And it may have even been a merry tune!  Crazy.
 
This is probably why I've had to dig for stories lately. If Rod's in a good mood, there just isn't as much material!
 
Poor Jen has been sick for three or four days now.  The weather's been fantastic, but for her, the skies just weren't as bright of a blue.  Today, it is raining.  Jen is coughing over there like she has been almost all week.  She was telling me about nursing her cough last night when Rod pipes up: "Oh, nonsense, Jennifer!  You're just MOPING about the RAIN!"  Oh, really, Rod?  Then what has she been doing the rest of the week?  I think it has completely escaped his notice that she has been sick almost all weak.  Lame-O!
 
"Have you ever gone LIMP on your COMPany?" he asked a client this morning.  Is there an interpreter in the house?  Hopefully you can tell me that this is not a sexual reference.  Ick Factor +3


Rod and I were clearly disagreeing on a simple point today.  He thought a Microsoft product did X and Y, while I think it only does X (at least, straight out of the box it only does X.  However, you can usually regedit or hack your way through anything MS).  So I said "We just disagree."  He paused and looked at the wall for a long time while tenting his fingers and leaning back in his chair.  He was kinda squinting.  Then he looked at me "Define 'disagree'."  OMG, Really?  So I said, "Do you know what agree means?  I mean the opposite of that."  He didn't think it was funny, but Jennifer and I sure did.


That was when I noticed he wheezes in a whistly phlegmy type of way.  Ick Factor +6


Rod used the last (all but 3 squares) of the toilet paper in the bathroom.  And not only did he not replace the empty roll, he didn't even make sure there was any paper in the bathroom.  Use whatever imagery you desire to picture someone very uncomfortable while fetching more tp for the bathroom.  NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!


While speaking to a customer, Rod said "I don't know if you want to get into office politics... " There was a long pause, I'm sure you know what word came next.  "BUT... a coworker and I disagree about something."  He proceeded to tell the customer about our whole argument, never having given the gentleman on the other end a chance to say "No, please don't drag me into your sewers!"  Rod just doesn't understand social niceties.  Or maybe he does and just really enjoys making people feel uncomfortable.  Like when he met my partner this week.  "Soooo, I have to TELL you... Katie's been sharing details of your LOVE life with me."  WTF?  Even if I had (which I hadn't) how is that appropriate to tell someone while he's holding his hand out to meet you?  (It's not)  Whatever the case, wherever Rod walks, he is bound to make someone else feel slimier for the encounter.

As Rod left, (For swimming?  For lunch?) he said he was going to the liquor store.  To help calm his nerves after such a trying day.  I mentioned I like a fine tequila.  He said "I think it's every man for himself!"  Sigh.  No matter how hard I try, I just can't make sense out of this man.



Anyway, the good news is that it is FRIDAY!  I am going to see a movie this weekend!  And drink lots and lots of alcohol.  Give me comments, folks!  In this insane place, words of sanity and wisdom are all I can cling to.  REALLY!  And you can post anonymously, so nobody need know who you are (even me!)


Enjoy the time away from work, everyone, I know I will.


I remain,


Eye Tee Girl

Blessed Peace

Today has been wonderfully quiet.  Rod left at 11 for what we hope is the rest of the day.
 
I managed to get a few gems out of him during his short stay, but mostly he just kept talking to me for nigh on an hour about the importance of... um... oh, right, the implications of the import.  And how it will um.... You know... and then we will .... but the thing is... I could go on with the play by play of the long, painful discussion about ... Well, Jennifer and I never really did figure out what the implications of the import were.  Shrug.  It's not like I'm going to go ask him.  My head is still a knot from trying to figure it out!
 
Rod was talking to a client, and asked, with perversion dripping from his tone, "Have you ever BEEN HAD in the WRONG way?"  Moments later, he said "I'd like to reach out and touch you," in that same nasty old man voice that makes my skin crawl.  Combined Ick Factor +4. 
 
It reminded me of a conversation he had with some other client when he asked someone to phrase something in the "white way" instead of the "black way."  What do you suppose that was supposed to mean?  Jennifer and I have no idea ourselves, if you care to enlighten us.
 
Rod spent the last half of the afternoon yesterday on Match.com.  Now, I'm not saying anything for sure, but do you suppose it's coincidence that he has left for the day?  And that he's taken two phone calls outside today?  It's exciting for us, in that we are hoping Rod will have someone to... er... lavish his attentive energy on?  Perhaps, how shall I say it?  He may come back tomorrow with a grin on his face and more laid back?  We can only hope.

In his absence, Jen and I are enjoying being able to get some quality work time in.  Maybe I'll even be able to hit a goal or two today!  Although, I discovered I am having network problems.  After initial investigation, I am gathering some clues.  Here is what I found under my desk:

Yep, the black cord on top is my network cable, and then it connects to... to some orange thing that has like 20 telephone wires in it.  When I looked at it closely, I noticed some of the ends were exposed!  Of course, being an experimentalist at heart, something compelled me to touch the ends of the wires.  Sure enough, I got a nice electrical shock (nothing strong).  This is something that I have just never seen before!  I am sure this is acceptable wiring somewhere, and up to code in some countries, but just never in the places I have worked before.  Upon further investigation, I found our phone switch:
 

 

Hmm, I wonder if one of those is the contentious Line 1?  Maybe I'll have some fun with it on November 27th.  That's right, I'll be in the office the day after Thanksgiving, so I may as well give Ebeneezer something real to grouse about.  When he pointed out that it's not a paid holiday, I asked if I could call him Ebeneezer.
 

I had to tell him I was joking.  Then he thought it was really funny.
 

I'm not laughing...
 

Signing off for now, everyone, have a great Thursday!
 

Eye Tee Girl

I think we have a bad connection...

Today, Rod is a bit off.  That should warn you, if Rod is having an off day.  The stories are hitting every time he opens his mouth to speak.  Here we go!


On the first call Rod made today, he told the client "Hey, we're in Seattle, it is grey and raining."  I looked outside and saw blue skies and bright yellow sunshine.  One man's trash, I suppose...



One day last week, Rod thought it was November 11.  This week, he thinks November 17th is tomorrow. 


Jennifer asked me for help.  A client was having trouble emailing us.  I went over to investigate, and was quite loudly interrupted by Rod.  "That's because our ISP doesn't LIKE their EMAIL adDRESS." (He didn't know who we were talking about... but hey, interesting philosophy.)  His statement ended there.  I still have no idea if our client is able to email us with his unfavorable email address.



To a client:  "You know, Oklahoma and Seattle have bad blood between them."  WTF?


On my second or third day here (back in October), I got into the office first and decided to turn on Rod's coffee for him.  A dime-sized droplet spilled out during the process.  He pointed it out, making sure I understood to put the pot all the WAY in, UNDER the stream of water.  I rolled my eyes and vowed I wouldn't make his coffee again.  I haven't.  Rod does a much better job of controlling the mess:

I see.  Just put paper towels everywhere, and that will contain the mess.  Should I ask him if he put the pot ALL the way UNDER the water?  The white appliance to the left of the picture is the microwave I will have to cook my lunch in later today.  Lovely.

Jen and I often head to the Safeway nearby for lunch.  Sammiches and soup, yum!  It's no secret.  And generally, we are back in 20 minutes or so.  Yesterday, Rod was quite proud of himself as he waltzed in after a talk with the neighbors:  "So my SPIES told me where you WENT for LUNCH today."  "Um, Rod, if I'd known you were interested, I could've told you we went to ... " when he said "SAFEWAY!  You went to SAFEWAY!  I like to be serendip-... serendipi-... um. I like to be CONNIVING in my information gathering."  Now at this point, I got confused.  It sounded as if he was trying to say "Serendipitous," but in context, I think he was going for "Surreptitious."  Thoughts?

Rod has asked me to send out a fax for him.  Fine, I can do that.  What put my back up was when he finished "Yeah, I need to get this off my to-do list, it's been there for weeks!"  Rod, why don't you send the fax, then?  Imagine the feeling of confidence! Oh, wait.  That's right.  Rod can't figure out the fax machine.

Rod receives daily, if not hourly, calls from the bank.  Jennifer and I don't really know what these calls are about, but these folks definitely sound cranky.  They've been known to say things like "Is Rod the only person in AP? Or is there someone else I can speak to?"  On a call he just received, Rod got cranky and told whomever it was to "not call back until JANuary."  Good luck with that, Rod. It doesn't work when I tell my creditors to stop calling and go away. 

Rod told us today that his truck tire has a slow leak.  I want to ask if he's sure it's his tire that leaks slowly...

Yes, everyday working here becomes more terrifying, but I think maybe I'm beginning to thrive on the danger now.  Yes, my res is out on Monster, so I'll leave when I get a better offer... but still, for now, this place can be highly entertaining.  But I need more followers!  Send this blog out to everyone you know, on Facebook, in email, let them know the stories are REAL! (You can't make this stuff up).  But above all, please, keep reading, keep commenting, and help me survive this place!

Eye Tee Girl

 

Ridiculosity

Sorry for not blogging yesterday, folks.  I, of course, had lots of material, but it was just too ridiculous to post.  I was angry, and couldn't put the usual humorous slant into my stories. Rod was essentially a tyrant yesterday, demanding that we do things for him (Why do something if you can get someone else to do it, after all?), haranguing us on deadlines, and lastly, offering financial advice to Jennifer when she mentioned she was car shopping.  Ridiculous man!  If you, the Readers, are actually interested in reading my cathartic rants from yesterday, just comment accordingly to this blog.


Today, however, is a little lighter, and I can view things on the bright side.

For instance, this morning, Rod came in with cookies!  How exciting, and dare I say it?  Nice?  Thoughtful?  I asked what kind of cookies, and the reply was "Oh, all KINDS! I know there's chocolate chip in there!"  Now, I have always been a fan of chocolate chip cookies, so I had to investigate.  I looked where he indicated and found, precisely... 

... precisely 2.3 cookies.  And they are raisin oatmeal maybe?  They smell like sugar and vanilla, and I could spy coconut in them.  How on earth did this translate in his mind to chocolate chip?  Because of the wrinkly brown chunks in there, that most of us call raisins?  The label did not read chocolate chip, they don't smell like chocolate chip, and to me, they don't even look like chocolate chip.  All I can think is that they were left over from some function he attended recently and he couldn't stand seeing 2.3 cookies go to waste.  Being the thrifty sort he is, he saved them and brought them in to his "girls."  Six hours later, they are still untouched.

Rod tries to be social every once in a while.  This morning when he came into the office, he doggedly turned on the lights and sat down in  silence after making his coffee.  Then he walked by, stopped, and came back.  "Have I asked how you are today?"  I checked, there appeared to be no sign of humor on his face.  "Um, no, Rod, I don't think you did."  "Oh. Hmm.  Well.  How are you." It wasn't a question.  Kinda more like a demand.  "I'm fine, Rod." I waited a good 30 seconds after he left.  "And how are YOU today, Rod?"  He informed me he wasn't yet ready to enter an opinion on the subject, thus ending his attempt at making polite conversation. So, you can see he tried to be social... but... it just didn't quite work out for him.  I bet he gets that a lot.

Earlier today, I finally blew my top with Rod.  A few weeks ago I had asked him why there was no data displayed with one of our products we have running locally.  He looked and had no idea of course (I was still green at that time, so I asked).  Now, today, he wanted me to do a local demo of the product for him, I guess so he knows what the real thing will be like. On the demos I have sat in on so far, we demo'd on the customer's data. So I went and pulled up the data, and again, it didn't appear to be working right.  So I reminded him of the problem and had him come look.  Around and around we went, but then it boiled down to this: "You [Katie] NEED to let me KNOW when these things AREN'T WORKING."  I reminded him, gently at first, that he had indeed seen that it wasn't working before.  With his own two eyes.  "WHEN!" he demanded.  I couldn't remember exactly, so I said "A few weeks ago, when Dave was still here" (Yes, I had to rub it in that he let Dave go).  He got irate and said "Well, do you expect me to REMEMBER what happened a MONTH ago?"  I rolled my eyes but my reply was simple.  "Yes, I do!"  Whatever.

After that brief exchange, he harassed me some more, and I did finally let him see my wrath.  I asked if he wanted a PR person, an IT Person, or tech support.  I can't be all three.  At least, not effectively.  Surprisingly, he didn't interrupt me once in my tirade.  Jen mentioned he just went straight to his seat.  Impressive.  Jennifer thinks that he acted like a scolded child.  Me, I figure he was already planning what to harass her about later in the day.

Shortly after my tirade, Jennifer asked if I was ready for lunch.  I said I was ready for happy hour.  And who wouldn't be?  This place is utterly ridiculous.  Well, Rod is.  At some point, do you think he will ever figure out that we will perform much better if he just lays off us?

Anyway, he has been very quiet and respectful to me ever since.  Granted, that's only about 15 or 20 minutes now, but the one time he spoke to me, his tone was controlled, he was polite, and he even let me finish a sentence or two.  I guess I need to lose my temper more often...  

Eye Tee Girl

 

The Country Club

Today has been a calm Friday.  Finally, it would seem, I can start the weekend on a fairly sane note.  Yesterday, Rod invited me to lunch at the neighboring country club.  I was reminded there is a dress code.  I think looking forward to that has kept Rod in a good mood all day.

Of course, Friday means it's betting day for Rod.  He made all his calls to all his cronies to place money on the upcoming college ball games.  I can't even respect Rod for his betting practices.  Not only does he bet against UW (his alma mater and mine), but then he forgets the bets that were made and the point spreads that were agreed upon.  I don't think he realizes how much his "friends" are ripping him off.  It's probably a good thing he only bets a dollar at a time.  Poor, poor Rod.


When I walked in this morning, it was stormy, windy, and just downright gloomy.  Almost before I could take a seat, Rod came up to me and said "If I made an inappropriate remark about Muslims, [he pronounces it more like mooozlims] would that be inappropriate?"  I looked at him and said, "Well, I think by definition of your own sentence, yes, it would be inappropriate."  I can only guess, but I think maybe he was making a reference to the tragic massacre yesterday at Ft. Hood.  He didn't actually confirm why he wanted to say something inappropriate about Muslims.


Right after that, he followed up by confirming our plans for lunch.  "So we have our DATE today, right?"  Oh, ick.  He just had to call it a date, didn't he?  Ick Factor +4.


We were talking about the deplorable state of his website.  He blamed my predecessor for the shoddy construction, which was completely unfounded and untrue.  Regardless, at one point, he asked why Dave hadn't already done the things I was talking about.  I pointed out Dave is a developer, and likely has no interest in web design, while I, on the other hand, am a web designer by trade and have no interest in software development.  This sparked a whole huge debate (for him, at least) and he finished his diatribe by stating that developing a product is NOT, absolutely NOT programming it.  That, he assured me, is something else.  I said, "Um, yeah, actually, that's what developers do, they program."  He rebutted "I disagree..."  I honest to God laughed at him here and said "Disagree all you want, that's what they do."  He put his head down and walked away.  "Have a nice day." 


In part of the conversation about the website, he mentioned they had done a major overhaul of the website 18 months ago.  He was very adamant.  "Eightteen months ago, we redid the WHOLE stupid thing!!"  He then went to fetch some documentation and returned... with paperwork sporting dates in 2006.  How confusing it must be to be stuck in that noggin all day.


While Rod was on the line with one of his  gambling cronies, he mentioned the foul weather we were having.  (We did have an impressive show of Mother Nature's force last night, complete with lightning, huge hail, thunder, and powerful rains.)  He said to the person on the phone "After that shooting last night, I thought what with all the thunderstorms that we were actually under attack!  I thought maybe they dropped a nucular [sic] bomb on us or something!"  After some silence while he chuckled intermittently, he said, "I MEAN, what are we gonna DO about all these MUSLIMS!"  This is another instance where I'll just let the distaste sit in your mouth as his inappropriate nature flows around you.

As we were about to leave for lunch, Rod said we needed to have a meeting about responsibilities in the office when we returned.  Jennifer said, "Whoa, waitaminit, what do you mean?"  With his nasty cough thing pointed right at me Rod said "AHEERMMMEMMM!  Well I clean the TOILET bowl," and then Jen said "I like to vacuum!"  Boy, had I just been hornswaggled in a room full of "Not - its" - I was the one left with the nasty chore!  It just hadn't dawned on me yet what it was.  Then Rod said, "Well AHRRRM YES! It would APPEAR that we need someone to MOP the BATHroom FLOOR and the WASH basin."  Oh hell to the no!  I said as much.  "I'm not the boy who dribbles on the floor, there is no way I'm going to mop that!"  Well, they both just kinda looked at me like, well, then what chore are you gonna do?


Sigh.

Well, at least it's better than mopping up Rod pee in the bathroom...

And lunch, well that was as odd as it was interesting.  A few things I learned:  Country clubs really aren't all that glamorous, Rod can maintain conversation on a social level, and lastly, you never EVER want to look at his face after he has taken a bite of food.  Just trust me on that one.  (Ick Factor +6)



Happy weekend everyone!!


Eye Tee Girl

No Patience

Today, it would seem, I have reached a point where I simply have no patience left for Rod.  Today is the first day I've been on some live calls where I actually had to do my job, know and train on the product.  It's not a big deal, I can scramble and think on my feet with the best of 'em.  But taking into consideration my lack of solid training on any of the products we sell, I am a little on edge today.

Most of my stories today are just little ones, but still completely entertaining (to me, at least) and, of course, you will find the inappropriateness you have come to expect from Rod.  Every single day, I think to myself, today is the day I am going to run out of material.  Nobody can act up this much every single blessed day.  But Rod never fails to disappoint.  I couldn't make this stuff up, much less this much stuff!

Rod likes free things.  Maybe another way to phrase that is that he's cheap.  Whatever.  A particular company presents webinars with some frequency on various networking issues.  They are free.  For those of us in the "biz," we roll our eyes at "free" webinars.  It means we will have to put up with an advertisement for some product.  Yawn fest.  But, well, Rod loves these things and has me register for nearly every single one.  Oh, the torture! 

Out of nowhere, while not on the phone and while not speaking with us, Rod blurted out "Yes, I have a very long one."  Well, thanks for sharing, Rod.  I'll note that in your charts.  (What is wrong with him?)  Jennifer and I just laughed silently.

Not long after telling us of his dimensions, he began humming a song.  Only, a "song" isn't the right word.  No.  He just hummed one note.  Yep.  One note.  For about 30 seconds.  In addition to all the other benefits here, I also get exposure to the arts.  SWEET!

When Rod has been proven wrong somehow in a conversation, he may stammer a few more sentences, but then puts his head down and walks briskly away, stating "Have a nice day" in such a way that you are summarily dismissed.  He will often do this regardless of the state of conversation.  You could literally be mid-word, open-mouthed as he marches off.

While speaking to a customer (yep, brace yourself), he said "Well, maybe your sexual orientation is the problem."  Do you suppose the people he says these things are as shocked as Jennifer and I are when we hear them?

Today, he forgot all the letters in my name, introducing me not once, but thrice as "Katie Muffy."  It's MURPHY, with an R, got it?

Okay, so I made a mistake today.  Shocking, I know.  I mistakenly placed a call on line 1 while Rod was at lunch.  Of course, 10 minutes into the call, I realized my mistake, but Rod wasn't there, so not too big a deal.  He'd never even know!  And then... in he walks.  And starts yelling... "OKAY EVERYONE!"  I held up my hand immediately to stop his words.  He sits down for maybe 45 seconds.  Then I hear "WHO IS ON LINE 1?!"  Ugh!  I knew it!  Totally busted! "That's me, Rod, sorry, I made a mistake."  He started muttering, so I assured him I would be off the line in 10 minutes, could he wait that long or did he need it immediately?  More muttering that amounted to ... "Yeah I guess I can wait TEN minutes."  I actually ended up leaving the call and dialing back in to free up the line for him.  The call proceeded for another 30 minutes or so.  I went to confer with Jennifer about some details.  On my way back to my desk, Rod shouted "Katie, now, IT IS very IMPORTANT..."  Oh ... my ... God.  So I stopped him this time and snapped: "I know, Rod, I said I made a mistake, I said I was sorry.  There is nothing else to say."  I'm not really sure how Rod felt about this, but the office sure got quiet.  The ironic, yet predictable fact is that Rod didn't use line 1 the whole time I was on the call.  Roughly 45 minutes after the call ended, he finally placed his call.  Thank the powers that line 1 was ready for him! 

Just now, Jennifer and I tried to have lunch together.  There's no break room, just 6 cubicles.  And a bathroom.  We were quietly discussing shopping trends or something, when, of course, "GIRLS! Do you..."  We both got quiet immediately.  A lengthy period of silence passed.  When he said nothing further, I said "Did you have something you wanted to say, Rod?"  "Well it's just that all that talking is DISTRACTING..."  So I pointed out that we were eating.  "Well, it's just that THIS is where we WORK," he said tersely.  Jennifer and I exchanged a silent look.  The silence filled the room again.  "Do you want me to eat my sandwich outside, Rod?"   I don't really remember all that was said, but he was making it clear he did not want us talking.  At one point, I said, "But it's perfectly okay for you to come barging in while we are on a call and shout OKAY EVERYONE?"  I shouted that one.  Just like he did.  It felt good.  And no, I don't regret it.  I said "That was my Rod impression."  Jennifer was giggling by now.  Her eyes were saucers.  Rod said that he didn't remember (how convenient for him) but that if he DID do that, then he was SORRY.  Nothing like a conditional apology, eh?

So Jennifer and I proceeded to eat in silence.  Her apple was crunching, and then I hit a pickle.  Uh oh, loud crunchy sound!  I apologized for it.  At this point, Jennifer and I had no idea what to do.  We started laughing silently, shoulders hunching.  We were just sitting there with our hands in the air, shrugging, as if to say "Now what?"  I said "The bathroom?" very quietly.  That really tipped the scales and Jennifer completely lost it.  I had to laugh too. I hope he heard it and understood how absolutely FREAKING ridiculous he was being.

We decided to go next door, to the gentlemen's business next door.  (You remember them, they are the ones who brought beer to our Halloween party!).  They said no problem, we could sit in there and chit chat while we ate lunch.  They noted that Rod had just been there, and didn't seem concerned a'tall about a quiet workplace at that time.  The other one chimed in "It doesn't matter anyway, we ignore him here just like we do over there!"  We all had a good laugh and our tension eased.  Thank God for sanity checks.

So now it's the end of the day and all is silent.  Rod just left for the evening, and didn't say a word to us.  Do you suppose he is really mad at me for mocking him, and losing my patience with him, finally?  Or do you suppose that maybe, just maybe... he realizes how ridiculous he was?

Eye Tee Girl