Even stoplights are blinking a bright red and green!

I'm so excited for the holiday coming up!  The laughter, the joy, the ... well, just the magic of the upcoming week.  I know, it's dorky, but it really is a fun time.  The sad thing is, usually, those are the reasons I look forward to Christmas.  This year?  I'm just excited to get the hell outta Dodge.
 
On the lighter side, our bathroom floor is clean!  Poor Rod.  He had no idea how to mop a floor.  First, he got some sort of floor cleaner designed to go in the handle of the mop, so I told him to just moisten the mop and pour the cleaner directly on the mop head.  But no.  He was hell bent on using just a little bit mixed in a bucket.  So instead of showing him how to do what I was talking about, I left him to his duties. Not 30 seconds passed.  "KATIEEEEEEE!!!" I came back around the corner and... Then I saw the bucket.  It was easily 4 inches smaller than the mop.  Well, that's fine, he'd use the sink, he said.  Problem with that was (a black eye and a banged up ear later) there is so little space between the sink and the opposite wall, there is no way to get the mop in the sink without putting the handle almost vertical. And yes, I got to see him hit himself first in the face then the ear as he tried to finagle the mop into position.  Well, then he had himself wedged as the mop handle dropped, thus fencing him in, if you will.  No matter how many times I told him it wasn't meant to be diluted in water, he escaped his prison, lifted his gate and poured about 1 tablespoon of cleaner into roughly a gallon of water.  Whatever.  Do it your way, Rod.
 
He then proceeded to clean the floor with a very sodden mop that sloshed water everywhere.  But he was so proud of himself when it was done!  It was almost cute.  It's still not dry, nearly 4 hours later, but, well, the job is done, anyway.  And the floor is clean!!  Hooray!

But today is a happy day.  I won't even go into the details like despite having 16 hours of vacation pay on my pay stub, I apparently won't get paid time off for the next 5 or so days that I am taking off.  I won't mention how grumpy Rod is because he lost his cell phone.

Nope.

Instead, I'm going to point out the good things!  Rod isn't making me work next week!  And guess what, he lost his cell phone!  So approximately an hour after arriving today, he left.  Ostensibly to go look for his phone, but we are all in the same boat.  Nobody wants to work today!

So happy holidays, everyone!  I'll be leaving soon, to go enjoy my tree, the presents wrapped and waiting, impatiently, for excited fingers to rip them open.  The tension is palpable this time of year, alive with a pulse that only beats when the nights are so long, you almost forget what daylight is like.  It's our shred of hope that warmer days are ahead, but none of us forget that in the heart, these are the days that will keep us warm for the year to come.  The stuff that memories are made of...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a Good Night!

With love,

Eye Tee Girl

The season is nigh!

Christmas season in the office is turning out to be very pleasant indeed.  So pleasant, I find my story cache is getting low!  Never fear, Rod is always good for at least a couple lines a day!

"Ohhh my, JENNIFER!  You sure smell NICE today!" Oh ugh.  Poor Jen. But wait, it gets worse!  "Hey, Katie, JENNIFER has a CRUSH on me!"  She is still getting the willies, 4 hours after he said that.  Ick factor: Immeasurable.

I said, "Hi Rod, how are you today?"  He grumped "None of your BUSINESS."  Alrighty then.  And no, I have no idea if he was kidding.  Maybe?

There aren't really words to describe the art in our office.  Ugly?  Modern?  Circular?  Suffice it to say it makes this office even more bleak and unenjoyable.  And you know what happens when words can't describe... you post pictures!  Enjoy! 
 
Art from a local artist who once dated Rod.  (Why couldn't she have taken the art with her?  White walls would look better!)

The first, I call Ugly Blue Circles:

It is perhaps 3 feet square.

This one, I call Circles and Shadows of Circles:

This one is also about 3 feet square.  I think it wins the "Ugliest Art I Have Ever Seen" award.  And I've seen some ugly crap.
 

I think of this one as Circular, Empty Fruit Bowl:

Isn't the reflection a nice touch?  This one is perhaps 4 feet square.  That's right, 16 ungodly square feet of blue, ugly orangey red, black, and blacker black.

And lastly, the masterpiece, too large to photograph anything but a 3 foot swath, I fondly refer to this as Jail Cell: Kaleidoscoped.

It isn't cool and angular, that's just the angle of the camera for the picture.  This monster is, I think, 8 feet by 8 feet.  I have worked in cubicles with less square footage.  Hell, I rented a room once that was smaller!
 
Well, it's 2pm and the boss is gone. Doesn't that mean it's quittin' time?  I guess I'll give it another hour or so, then go send off some Christmas cards and wrap some presents for my loved ones.  The wine will flow, the carols will play, the cold wind will blow, and I'll have joy in my heart.  I hope you will, too.

Eye Tee Girl

Cameo Appearances

At the Christmas Party on Friday, Rod informed us that he will only be making "Cameo" appearances during the next two weeks.  Fine by us, we practically encouraged it!  The shorter the cameo, the easier the day.
 
Rod was very excited to see me today when I came in.  He couldn't wait to talk about his date, the Seahawks' dismal performance, and the state of his coffee.  Once he was done talking about his weekend, the conversation was done.  I wasn't asked how mine was, nor in any other way was my input sought.

After Jen came in, I said I was going to work on some documentation.  He said "ok, whatever gets you off!"  My eyes popped open. (I'm not sure why, you'd think I'd be past shock by now)  Then he said "Is that appropriate to say in the office?"  I said, "Well, I think I'd say 'whatever floats your boat,' but I guess you can say whatever you want."  Eww.  Rod talking to me about getting off.  Ick factor +4

I know everyone reading will be excited to know!  My insurance takes effect January 1!  I asked Rod close to a month ago for the forms.  Surprisingly, he printed the Regence forms out right away (kind of).  I filled them out immediately and returned them.  The next day, I found them on my desk with a note asking me to fax it.  Fine.  At least then I know it will get done!  So I went to look up our info for insurance, and discovered we are not with Regence.  Sigh.  We are with Premera.  So two weeks ago, I mentioned that I needed the correct forms.  I mentioned it again a week ago.  I mentioned it again at the end of last week.  He said "I thought I printed those out for you like a month ago."  Sigh.  "Those are Regence forms, Rod, remember?  We are with Premera.  Right?"  "AHHHERRRUGMM!!  Yes, we are with Premera.  [long silence]  Why don't you just send them the Regence forms and see what they do?"  I laughed.  Out loud.  "Are you serious?  No you can't be."  Silence. He was. Serious, that is.  "Um, I don't think I can do that, Rod, I need the Premera forms."  Silence.  Then:  "Well, FINE."  Needless to say, the issue has been resolved, I filled out the correct forms, and insurance should be effective in a couple weeks.  Yahoo!

Later in the day he was on a call with a customer and they started talking about the shooting range.  Rod was getting all into it, excitedly talking about how he loves the smells there.  Then he said "Well, I can't say in the presence of mixed company what it smells like..."  Ohhh, DAMN.  Ick factor +8.

Rod has been very excited lately at the prospect of Jen using Match.com.  He wants to help her get her profile put together.  Now, don't get me wrong.  If this were my dad, it would be totally cute in an old man type of way.  But this isn't my father.  For that matter, he's not Jen's father, either.  So it's kinda just weird that he wants to help her with the profile.  But then he went on to talk about it:  "You are VERY pretty, VERY pretty.  Oh, you'll have your CHOICE of boys.  You are very atTRACtive, so you can be VERY selective!"  I get it.  I know he was trying to be nice, but... Poor, poor Rod.  Just doesn't get it. 

Of course, today, he mentioned that he thinks his daughter is "one hot chick" so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised!

And then... then the magical sound of Windows XP shutting down, followed by the sounds of coffee being prepped for the next day... and then... the sound of car keys. And lastly, the merry sound of the jingle bells on the Welcome sign as Rod left for the day!

So while the blog may be short the next couple weeks, please know, gentle readers, that Eye Tee Girl is getting some much needed peace and quiet at the office.

Eye Tee Girl

Merry day

Today is a merry one for Rod.  When he got here, he immediately went to talk to the gents next door.  Upon seeing his headlights splash across the wall as he pulled in, I immediately ran for the bathroom with my iPhone.  There, I played a mean round of Tap Tap.  In the middle of the game, I heard the bells jingle on the door as Rod comes in.  "JOY!" He bellows mirthfully.  I just rolled my eyes.  He made me miss a note.  "HEY KATIE SO UM I WAS THINKING THIS MORNING AS I CAME IN... KATIE!  WHERE IS KATIE!"  Oh good Lord.  "I'm in HERE!" I bellowed back.  What a doofus.  Where ELSE am I going to be, if the office is open, my computer is on, and his newspaper is on the coffee table?!  And he was yelling.  Loudly. He made me miss two more notes.  Curses!  I was having a good game, too.  With a sigh, I finished my now un-noteworthy game, pretend flushed, pretend washed my hands, then came out.  Well, at least he was in a good mood today.
 
When I came out, I asked him what he wanted to say.  He said he forgot.  Well, good thing he came in bellowing about something he forgot within 45 seconds.  I rolled my eyes and sat down. "OH! I REMEMBER!" I jumped. Good LORD that man can be loud sometimes!  "You and JENNifer are going to be my DATES today for LUNCH!  Isn't that exciting?!"  Oh, yeah, Rod, you have no idea what a thrill it is to hear you call me your date.  "Um, yeah, Rod, I'm looking forward to our Christmas lunch, too."  Do you know what?  He even had to correct me on this.  "It's not a LUNCH, Katie, it's a CHRISTMAS PARTY!  Isn't that GREAT?!"  "Absolutely!" I said.  Wow.  Someone musta gotten a lil sumfin sumfin last night, or is he just really looking forward to this function?
 
When Jen came in, he got so excited to call her his date, he choked:  "JENNIF-AHHERUGGUMM AGGHHH GUUHHHHH CACK GUCK AHHHHERRRRRRRUM!  JENNIFER!  GOOD MORNING!"  Oh, Wow.  I was shaking my head.  "Good morning, Rod," she said.  "HOW ARE YOU TODAY?" he bellowed joyfully.  "Oh, I'm excited, Rod!  A friend got us courtside tickets to see the Cougar Hardwood Classic!" Well, this just opened a door for Rod (of course).  "Oooooo COUGAR!  Now, is this a Washington State UniVERsity thing?  Or is this some sort of hard-wood class for those COUGAR women I've been hearing about lately?"  I just rolled my eyes.  Perv.  Yes, poor Jen is a Coug, but not a cougar. WTF? Ick factor +4  At least he didn't make it even worse by saying something like "Get it?  HARD?  WOOD?"

Rod has cussed at least 7 times today.  He has only been here for two hours.

Rod finally noticed that the Joy door mat does not, in fact, face the door.  Instead, I have it positioned to face the office, so that you receive the Joy "Blessing" as you exit.  It makes me smile that you receive no joy as you walk in, but receive it on the way out.  It may be insignificant to you, but to me, well, it brings me joy. Anyway, he wanted it positioned to face those who come in the door.  I paused before replying.  I was going to have to be crafty here.  "Umm, that's because we come in the building once, maybe twice a day.  I thought, since we go by it all day long, it would be nice if it faced the office where we are all day!"  Ohhh, I'm good! He took the bait without even seeing the nasty, gnarly hook beneath it.  "OHHH my, what a sweet gesture!  I never would have thought of that!"  I won that round.

Later, he asked me to come over to his cubicle to talk about something.  I had apparently mislabeled the subject of an email.  (I believe you recall how IMPORTANT the SUBJECT lines are in EMAIL, from one of my first posts?)  Well, "Acme Organizer Licensing" was not sufficient subjecting for an email that requested license info for Acme Organizer.  No.  It should also have included the company name.  Ok, fine.  I know the next time, however, when I'll label it "Acme Organizer Licensing - Customer Name" that he'll find something else wrong with that, too.
 
I added to the Festivus decorations today.  I added two hand towels in the bathroom - a penguin and a stack of present on the other.  Rod just now came out and said, "Ooooh!  I just LOVE the stockings!"  So while he tries hard, he just can't quite pull it together, can he?

Today is a short day, everyone!  We have our Christmas Lunch Party today! 

Have a great weekend, have a great one!  Finish up your shopping, then enjoy the time off before the craziness begins!  I am signing off until Monday!


Eye Tee Girl

Island in the stream...

That is what I am... the River Rod washing away what's left of my very foundation.

I find I am just getting crankier and crankier every day.  And not just at work.  What fuse I used to have for repeating or explaining myself is getting shorter and shorter.  My poor family.  Lord forbid someone can't hear what I said.  Especially if it's on a bad Rod Day.  Maybe those days should get a mark on the calendar.  Other husbands may mark a certain time of month for their wives?  My squeeze should get a red bingo stamp for bad Rod Days.  Too bad we can't predict them like we can the other.

Today started off like most days:  Me remaining as silent as possible.  Now, those who know me in real life are likely scoffing right now.  You see, Dear Reader, IT Girl is NOT known for being quiet or circumspect. Certainly not for tongue-biting! See how Rod changes me?  In this place, I am quiet, reserved, barely speaking- all in hopes that Rod will forget my existence and to avoid confrontation.  (It doesn't work)

So, back to the story.  Silent Me is typing away when Rod's phone rings and he answered the call in the office.  This always is a good sign for the blog, because undoubtedly, some fascinating tidbits will come out.  Today was no exception when his daughter called, and I was ready to take some notes!

"Hrrmmmm.  Ambulatory?  What's that mean? [silence] ahhHHERRMM! Mobile?  I'm not sure what that means, either."  But then, you know what arrears, lien, and levy mean, don't you Rod?

"That's great!  That will be another feather in your quiver!"  Hmm.  A quiver is where one stores arrows.  You often see feathers on arrows...  But I believe the phrase Rod is looking for is "a feather in your cap" ... Of course, I could be wrong.

With no words being exchanged this morning other than "hi!," about an hour after I came in, Rod very snottily asked me, "Is there a REASon you can't cc me on ALL your EMAIL?"  Rather than pointing out he had asked me to stop doing that just last week (there was no point in reminding him, he would've just picked a fight about that, instead) I simply said I would do my best to remember to cc him on everything from now on.  It pacified him.  Whew!

Not five seconds after that, he said quite loudly "OH SHIT!"  Now, when someone says that, usually the people around them are alarmed.  I hear it so often here, that now it just grates on my nerves.  So, part of me had to comment.  "Is there a reason you can't keep your mouth clean?"  I regretted this the minute it came out of my mouth.  Alas, too late. I just couldn't resist using his own words against him! And I mean really, I see no effort on his part to not cuss at work.  Anyway, he said "You sure are unreasonable about this cussing thing."  I said, "It's unreasonable to expect good manners?"  It's nice to get the last word in.

About an hour later, I got this email:

----------------------- Original Message -----------------------

  

From: Rod Acme

To: Katie Murphy

Cc: 

Date: Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:31:30 -0800

Subject: Documentation: Application Install

  

pls copy me on your em's.  why can't you send him the instal doc I showed you on 12/15?
BTW no one knows more abt our documentatnion than I do. Not bragging just a fact.

Wow, there are just so many things in that one little email that reveal so much about him!  He can't type out the full words (email and about are so hard to type out), he can't spell (Instal? documentatnion?), and he's a self-denying-admitted braggart.  And all this from a man who tells us to never immediately send an email, but to always queue it, so we can then review it for typos and inappropriate comments.  WTFever dude.
Rod was out of the office most of the day yesterday.  Jen did some testing on one of our products and found a minor bug.  She emailed Rod her findings and then this morning, he called her over to speak to her about it.  His first question, "WHY is this not reported as a BUG?!"  Wowie.  Jen is soooo good at keeping cool as a cucumber.  I'd never be able to reply like she did:  "Well, I thought I would talk to you about it, and then I would write it up!"  Cute as a button, she is.  No wonder she has been able to work here two years, while at only two months, I am ready to start sliding bamboo shoots under my fingernails rather than come in each morning.

Today, I decorated the office.  I got exactly 3 things:  A door sign that says "Welcome" with merry jingle bells on it.  A doormat that says "JOY" and lastly, a set of white lights for the window.  I just couldn't resist the irony of "welcoming" people with "joy" to our office.  Of course, Rod doesn't get it. I think Jen might.  But the point is, I get my own little chuckle each and every time I see those words.

After a call today with a client who was extremely busy, I commented on his activity level.  "Wow, that's one busy guy, huh, Jen?"  Jen agreed, "Yeah, he sure is!"  Before she could really finish her sentence, however, Rod piped in:  "And he's ALIVE!"  Sigh.  That's Rod for you.  All he really cares about is whether or not our customers have a pulse.  How sad.

And then just now, as he left for lunch, we were debating whether or not the whole Tiger Woods scandal would blow over a year from now.  We mentioned Bill Clinton - that one never really blew over.  Rod said "Yeah, but he didn't have SEX!"  Oh, brother.  I said, well, Michael Jackson "never did" either, but we won't forget that scandal!"  Rod said, "Excuse me? Michael Jackson?"  Me:  "Yeah, you don't know who Michael Jackson is?!"  Him: "Urrrummm the singer?"  Me: "Yes."  Him:  "What scandal was he involved in?"  Geez Louise.  Completely out of touch, isn't he?

One thing is certain... the little doormat I got will help remind me to be joyous that I am leaving the office each day. That's the best parting gift a girl could ask for.

Eye Tee Girl

What's the up side, again?

Oh, right!  I get paid.  Until today, that was the only thing keeping me here.  I asked Friday and I asked yesterday - to verify that we were getting paid today.  Both times I received affirmative answers.  So I asked again today. "We get paid today, right?"  For those of you who follow me on FB, you probably already know the answer.  Hell, the rest of you can figure it out anyway.  "No, umm, AHREAGUM!  That will be tomorrow."  Me:  "Um, I thought payday was the 15th?"  Him:  "I have two days to pay you by law."  Me:  "Ok, so there is no standard payday?"  Him:  "Well, if I'm on  vacation or something and can't come in to do payroll, I have 2 days to pay you."  Hmmm.  He appeared to be at work.  He didn't appear to be in a hospital or hotel room.  Me:  "So do you just waffle on when payday will be?  I mean, you're here and all now so...."  Well, he took exception to the waffling line, and I suppose I don't blame him.  Him:  "I don't think it is appropriate for you to say 'waffle.'"  Me:  "Well, everywhere I have ever worked, we always knew when payday was."  Him: "Well, you work here now!"

Alrighty then.

So I thought.  And I thought.  And I posted on Facebook.  And I vented via text "Great, don't get paid today.  Fucking awesome working here."  And then brilliance struck!  Me:  "I'm sorry I said, that, Rod.  It's just that I asked you Friday, I asked you yesterday, and you said we were being paid today.  So I made plans accordingly.  I guess I'll just skip lunch.  No big whoop.  Not really. Sorry again."

Silence.  Enough to hear a pin drop.  So much for brilliance.

And then he came over and said "I will run payroll for you guys today but don't form any EXPECTATIONS!"  Who, me?  Expect to get paid?  Expect to get paid on time?  Whyever would I do that, Rod?  More and more, unemployment is looking finer by comparison than remaining employed here.  Hmm, I can expect to be paid on time every week.  On top of that, the state is advanced enough to pay me via direct deposit.  Not Rod.  Plus, I wouldn't have to put up with him anymore.

Calgon, take me away!  (It's a nice fantasy, anyway)

Let's see what else has happened recently?

In reviewing his schedule for the day, I saw he had two dates for tonight on the calendar.  Two separate dinners.  Two different women.  Pig.  Ick factor +4  What's worse, is that he schedules this stuff on the public work calendar where anyone can see it.  Ick factor +2  I just wonder why he books them publicly?  Because he can't figure out how to mark something private? (likely) or because he's proud of his achievements?  (just as likely)  Ick factor +10.

Speaking of ick factor... Do you want to see Rod's rash?  We didn't either, but it was considerate of him to offer.  Ick factor +8

He was here for close to 30 minutes today without making a sound, without even turning on his computer.  What was he doing?  Our guess is sleeping.

I was talking to a client, and it turned out he was a gamer.  We had a good 5 minute conversation or so about the merits of some games over others.  At the end of the conference call, Jen laughed and said "I had NO idea what you guys were talking about! Hahaha!"  I laughed too and said "Yeah, gaming is fun."  Then Rod decided to put in his two cents (Lord help us.)  "Well, Jen, that's because YOU are not a NERD!"

Really?  Name-calling?  Really?

So I couldn't be quiet.  Of course.  "Well, I can think of a lot of things I'd call you, Rod, but I don't."  He replied:  "Wouldn't you agree that you are more proficient at computers than Jen is?"  oy vey.  "Well, yes, Rod, but the fact that I game has nothing to do with that.  And it isn't nice to call people names."  Whatever.

So I've made it another paycheck, Dear Readers, and I'm not sure how many more I have in store for me.  But this one was my big goal - for Christmas spending.  At least my pain will gain my family and me a few minutes of pleasure a week or so from now.
 
It's not a lot, but it's enough.




Eye Tee Girl

These boots are made for walking...

...and that's just what they'll do!
One of these days,
these boots are gonna
walk all over you.


Thank you, Nancy Sinatra, I couldn't have said it better myself.
 
Yep, today Rod cursed at me again.  Over such a silly thing.  He wanted me to print out a document after I was done writing it.  Because he rarely reads anything I print out for him, and out of a certain greeniness in my lifestyle choices, I said firmly that I would send him the link (and here he tried to interrupt me by talking over me - quite loudly - but I continued) so he could then print it out whenever it was convenient for him.  He told me, quite gruffly and even angrily that "No!  You will print it out!!"  The autocracy of that statement was shocking to me.  I was curious (honest!) so I asked.  I even asked nicely.  "Why can't you print it out?"  Wow.  The rage that came over his face and contorted his features was again shocking.  His lips flattened over his teeth.  He was really biting back what he wanted to say.  And then it spewed forth like a volcano, molten and red hot.  "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN--"  That's all I heard.  As calmly as I could, I picked up my jacket, my gloves, and said "That's it.  You cannot speak to me like that.  You cannot curse at me.  I have asked you nicely several times to stop it, and still, you continue.  From now on, I walk every time you curse.  Maybe I'll come back this time.  Then again, maybe I won't."  I'm not sure what he said as I left, or if he even said anything.  I do know I stayed gone for 20 or 25 minutes.  Stick that in yer productivity pipe n smoke it, bub!  Perhaps he will eventually see a relationship between cursing and me not getting as much work done that day.  Then again, that would require active logic, something which, I'm afraid, Rod sorely lacks. 
 
When I came back, Rod was in a distressingly Pollyanna mood. Complete with good cheer and friendly air, this guy had walked right out of an Andy Griffith episode.  All he was missing was the whistle, a delightful red headed child, and a fishing pole.
 

 
He was giving Jen dating advice when I got back.  All I heard of the advice was that he was currently dating 3 different women.  According to him, it's a numbers game, and the higher the numbers, the better the returns.  Like it was gambling advice and he was telling her how to play the nickel slots or something.  Unbelievable. 

That's all that has really happened today.  Here are some recent short stories:

*phone rings*  Rod answers and determines who is on the phone.  "Don't ever call here again."  *click*   *Phone rings again almost immediately* Rod answered and says immediately: "What don't you understand?!"  *click*  Ahh the professionalism!

"I wanna see some PICTUERS!  AheermEMMM!  And NOT of HIM!!"

"We could uhhhm Katie... are you going to...." Silence.

On the phone:  "Well, I can't talk about that because it is SEXUAL in nature." Oh, brother.

While on the phone with his mechanic:  "It sorta takes AWAY from the AMBIENCE when I'm with a lady, I mean, you know what I MEAN?"  Then this silent wheezily laugh like Muttley from the Dastardly Duo:

(I'm just not sure if Rod would actually be Muttley because of the laugh, or Dick Dastardly because he's such a ... ).  I of course, am Penelope Pitstop:

Zooming off for the day,

Eye Tee "Penelope Pitstop" Girl

Insanity, that's all there is to it.

Rod has got to be just plain crazy.  I mean it, really.  I don't think he's sane.  Legally.  I wonder what the defini... Here it is, courtesy of www.m-w.com: in·san·i·ty such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction.  Yup, that's Rod.  Let's see what else it says. (ctrl tabbing, one moment please): 3 a : extreme folly or unreasonableness b : something utterly foolish or unreasonable
There we have it.  Rod is insane.  If the first definition I listed didn't convince you, I hope the last one did.  Utterly foolish, unreasonable.  That is Rod in a nutshell.  Plus, I don't think he should be allowed to sign his own checks, so that ticks off the first one, too.
 
Seriously, do you know how hard it is working for someone like this?  The red herrings he has me chase down every two hours or so completely kill my productivity that I never actually get to do my job.  Of course, I am then held accountable for what I have gotten done each day.  As a result, I now print out my daily tasks with hourly accounting on them, so that when Rod wants to know what I've been working on, I can show him the clouds he sends me chasing after.

Did you know, I think I've mentioned it?  Rod curses.  A lot.  Most of the time, it's just to himself (I think) but sometimes at Jennifer, sometimes at me.  Then, he acts shocked when I get angry. Now, don't get me wrong, I can cuss with the best of them.  I can drop the F bomb as easily a water balloon in late July. But at the work place?  It just doesn't seem right.  Specifically, it feels really bad when my boss curses.  It feels even worse when he curses at me.  So, lately, I have changed my tactic.  I confront him directly and ask "Why did you have to curse at me just then?"  Or I will say "Cursing at me does not behoove this conversation."  Or I've even been known to say "When you curse at me, it shows how little respect you have for me.  Please don't do that."  None of those phrases have helped.  Of course not!  Take today, for instance.  He very directly cursed me, "Goddammit, Katie!"  So I called him on it and said "Why do you think it's ok to keep cursing at me?" And I expected him to back track, to apologize, some acknowledgment that what he had just done was wrong.  No.  Quite the contrary.  "BECAUSE I WANT... YOU ARE DENYING... BECAUSE YOU WON'T... BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO ADMIT THAT THERE IS A DATABASE!!!"  Wow.  I've undoubtedly been cursed at in this life... but hopefully it was worth it.  Hopefully, I did something to deserve it.  Maybe I back talked my mom, or maybe I broke someone's heart. But not admitting to the existence of a database?  Call me the crazy one if you want, but I don't think that's worth calling down hell and damnation on someone's head.  (For the record, in this particular conversation, I didn't even know we were talking about databases, much less that he wanted me to admit to its existence.  To hurry up his leavetaking, I immediately admitted that there is a database.  It appeased him.  Who knew the existence of an entity like a database could turn into something so emotional?!)
 
While on a conference call with a customer, Rod told them that I told him he speaks with a forked tongue.  Hmm.  I said "No, I called you a snake.  That's not quite the same thing."  Neither statement was true, but I couldn't let him get the upper hand!  Obviously, with my charm and quick comeback, I quickly won over the potential client and had them in my pocket.  He then asked "Do you know what it's like to be in arrears?"  Now, I could likely be mistaken,  but isn't that akin to asking "Do you know what it's like to be behind on your debt payments?"  Who would say something like that? Only Rod.  Do you suppose he thought people wouldn't know what that word means?  Then, he went on to talk about his personal life, and said "Now, be sure to let Scarlett know that I'm spoken for now."  Now, mind you, Scarlett hates Rod, perhaps more than we do, but I guess Rod hasn't figured it out yet.  Or maybe he has, and he just thinks comments like that are funny.  When I was done cringing from that comment, he went on to ask everyone there if they had ever told their manager to shove it.  When he came to me to answer, I replied, "No, I haven't."  Since I knew where this was going, I waited.  "Oh, c'mon KATIE!  Of course you have!  When you're really mad, I bet you have told SOMEone to shove it!!"  I said something like "The word that came out of my mouth probably wasn't 'shove'."  Well, of course, he just thought this was hilarious.  Now, remember, nobody else has really said anything, Rod has just rambled on and on from each of these topics to the next.  His goal was to humiliate me, but when he started asking if it is appropriate to say "Merry Christmas" to someone you don't know well... I think it backfired.  Someone said "Happy Festivus for the rest of us!" and poor Rod didn't get the reference.  He didn't even try to Google it so he could understand why everyone was now laughing at him.  Hell, he didn't even ask!  He just said "Festivus?!  What are you saying? What? FESTIVUS?  Hrmph"  (If you don't get it, here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus )  Poor Rod is just so out of touch.  With the times, with reality, with normalcy...

So there you go, just another day in paradise.  Rod is now back from swimming, so I'm cutting this one off for the day.  If something good happens in the next hour before he leaves, I will blog again.

Thank you to those of you who posted kind words to me either in Facebook or here.  It really, really helps me to know I am making people laugh.  Think Simon and Schuster will be calling me anytime soon with a book deal??

HAPPY FESTIVUS, EVERYONE!


Eye Tee Girl

Crazy, Cuckoo, Cranky

I'm just in a foul mood today.  And Rod is not helping.  In fact, I believe he is responsible for it.
 
Let's start where it started today.  I was demo-ing a product for him when it started, blam-o.  He was upset with the size of the window of the application. Because it's basically an informational screen, it doesn't really get any larger.  Maximizing it just moves it - it's the way the program is written.  Rod kept wanting me to make it larger.  For half an hour, we went round and round. Finally, after asking why he wanted the box bigger (was there something he wasn't displayed in the window, I asked?) he said he wanted the actual font sizes larger.  He wanted me to change the resolution.  I explained that I use a standard and clients have never complained about it being too small.  This wasn't good enough for him.  Now, I use a laptop all day, and the resolution settings on the LCD are what they are.  I can decrease the resolution (thereby increasing the size of the picture), but then my display becomes fuzzy and distorted.  It physically hurts my eyes and it wouldn't take long before I got a headache.  All that being said, Rod made me change my resolution, to see if that would make anything bigger.  It did, but only barely so - not even a quarter of an inch.  I was fighting him so hard on this, there was no chance I was going to drop the res down to 800 x 600.  So Rod finally gave up on making the screen bigger.  And then...
 
And then, he noticed I have my Windows task bar on the right.  I'm using a wide screen display, and I like my bar on the right.  Sure, it's different, but the point is, it is my preference, because it is on my computer.  Rod saw it on the right and then asked me to remove my "Google bar thing."  It took me a second, but then I figured out he meant my task bar.   I said, "Um, this is my regular task bar, where Internet Explorer and email and stuff all hang out.  I can't really 'remove' it."  "Oh, well, you should HAVE it like everyONE ELSE does, it's very DISTRACTING over there..." And on and on he rambled (incoherently as usual).  I finally just stopped him and said "Rod, for God's sake, this is my computer.  I am not going to customize it for your comfort!"  I felt a twinge of guilt at my tone, but for crying out loud... He wants to control so much about me that he even wants to tell me how to set up the display for my computer?  He goes too far, this time, I tell you!  Too far!
 
Yesterday was Rod's birthday.  His daughter actually came in and decorated for him.  Garlands and crepe paper, it was really great.  I guess today, Rod got tired of the garlands hanging over the hallway.  Mind you, I think most people would have just taken the garlands down.  You know, like find out where it is attached to the wall and remove the garlands?  Nope, not Rod.

I'm not sure how much of the mess you can see here, but Rod decided, I guess, to just rip or cut down the garlands and crepe mid hallway.  This left a bunch of little glittery strands in the hallway.  Of course he did not clean this up, so, naturally, it is now getting tracked all over the office for poor Jen to have to try to vacuum up later. And we now have three very short silver garlands.  Wonnnnnderful.
 

Rod is so so very inapprop.  He asked a customer if he would like an update on Rod's love life.  He later called a scheduled phone meeting "a date" with me (gag me), and what is worse, Jen even encouraged him in calling it a date.  She seemed to find that quite hilarious.  I didn't.  I did, however, find a great deal of humor when Rod went right up to Jen and said to her "HEY! KATIE!  I need you to...  Wait, are you Katie?  Katie..?"  He said my name twice there, as though it just didn't taste right on his tongue.  Then it hit him!  "No! You're JENNIFER!"  Whatever, dude, just as long as you aren't talking to me, use my name all you want.  Then, later, he was talking to, I dunno, someone, and he mentioned his birthday, the party tonight, and that he needed a designated driver.  Of course, he would need someone circumspect, as he is hoping to "get lucky" tonight.  Ugh.  Ick Factor +7

In this cold snap we are having, Rod brings his swimsuit in so it isn't "freezing" when he puts it on.  Ok, a couple things here.  #1, I do NOT need the visual of Rod "freezing" something when he puts on a swim suit.  Ick Factor +5.  #2, isn't this the purpose of a locker room?  To leave your clothing there so you don't have to tote it around all the time?  Poor, poor Rod.

Recently, Rod told me to go look up some company documentation on our server.  So I went to the folder called Acme, and then searched around in there where I thought I would find the file.  I had no luck, I told him.  I was asked where I was looking, so I told him.  He got frustrated with me.  "NO!  It's in AACompanyDocuments folder!!"  Ohh, right, sure!  What was I thinking?! That makes perfect sense!  (The funny part is, the company name doesn't even start with an A, so it makes even less sense than you'd think!)

He has told every single person he has spoken to on the phone today that his birthday was yesterday.  Even if he just makes 5 calls, do you understand how tiresome it is getting when I know he is going to get on a call? Every single person.
 

Rod criticised Jen's sister for wanting to get a new car.  This, after hearing the story that said sister had to use her foot to stop the car after the brakes failed in a parking lot.  (I think Jen said the brakes actually "fell out.")  Yeah, time for a new car in my book, but for skinflint Rod?  It's still good as new!

Rod is lazy, we know this.  But it became clear again the other day when he told me he hadn't yet bothered to read the release notes.  He then came over to my cube to have me scroll through them and read them to him. Lame.

On Monday morning, "Jen, you've been working with this client for QUITE some TIME now."  Jen: "Um, December 4th was Friday?  So it hasn't been that long?"

"We are just two names, uh, two FACES, two er... AHERM... passing in the night."  Ships, Rod?  

Oh, Dear Reader, coming in to work every day is getting more and more difficult.  The stories I present here are (supposedly) humorous, but the day to day battles of dealing with someone who forgets nearly everything you talk about, who won't read things you send him, and who can't even remember your name and your face... well, it just gets to be unbearably difficult.  Please, reply to messages, contact me on Facebook, let me know you enjoy my stories or ask questions.  I need to know there really are normal, friendly people out there!

Over and out,

Eye Tee Girl

I win!

Oh geez, what a crazy day.  There isn't even a trend to report on, just a mix of crazy stories.
 
The day started off wonderfully:  For the first time all week, I came in earlier than Rod.  This meant I got chill out time at work to be productive, listen to my tunes, and not chew my bottom lip, wondering what craziness will come flying at me any minute.

And then it came.  The door flew open at 7:54.  Rod came in, bringing a burst of chilly fog swirling in with him.  Loudly, he pronounced to the world (or just me, anyway)  "I OVERSLEPT!!"  Well, goodie for you, Rod.  Must be nice to just waltz in any time of day and yell that out to the universe.  Obviously, I was starting my day with a pout.

Rod is just so crazy.

Jen was being called on the carpet (supposedly) for not having prepared enough for a call.  I think that's what he was doing.  Anyway, she had everything all ready to explain.  She had booked extra time for a particular call to make sure the potential customer would be able to download the software necessary for the call.  She's done this probably hundreds of time.  As she put it "He needs time to test if the product download will work through his firewall and that it will install properly, too."  Rod essentially repeated back to her what she just said, only he made it sound like he was talking to a 6 year old: "Ok, Jennifer, well you KNOW the software doesn't always WORK with firewalls because you have to be able to download and DEPLOY the software, too."  Hmm.  Pete and RePete, eh?  Lovely.
 
He quizzed her further.  Suspiciously, as though she wouldn't have an answer, he asked, "What does this guy plan to DO with our Image Tracker Software?"  Jen said she was confused.  (I would think the answer is obvious based on the name of the software, but Rod persisted.)  "WHY is he LOOKING at this SOFTWARE?  WHAT does he WANT to DO with it?!"  Jen kept her cool.  She made her statement sound like a question.  "Um, to track images?" That was good enough for Rod.  He grunted approvingly, and that was that, I guess, because he didn't have any further questions.

A few days ago, Rod was taking a personal call in the office.  He mentioned Thanksgiving dinner with his nephew and said that the nephew's girlfriend was a VERY good looking woman.  I just rolled my eyes.  But then he said "And they are LIVING in SIN!"  Now, I'm not sure if he was joking, I hope he was.  But either way, I didn't really care.  Apparently, it bothered Rod.  Two days later, he came up to me and apologized for saying something so offensive about living in sin when... and here, he couldn't finish his sentence.  Can you imagine?  Rod made himself feel uncomfortable.  It was an awesome moment, and I let him writhe in his awkwardness.  Finally, I had to let him off the hook.  "No offense taken, Rod."  Whew!  The air rushed out of his pent up lungs like a balloon!  "Okay, thank you, good day."  And he was gone.  I felt victorious. 

Here are some good one liners lately, please add your own WTF type comments after each one:

"I don't think Rocket Rick has much to be bragging about down there."
 
"I am trying to get Rose Bowl tickets so I can go through the gates dressed as a DUCK."

"How about this Tiger Woods fella?  I tell ya, that had to be some good action he was getting for $50 million!"

"We are financial PREDATORS on the HUNT."

He made Jen change the wording on some call notes from "Demo (giving tour of product on website)" to "Website Tour"

He asked Jen, rather angrily, to justify a call. "What do we have to GAIN on this call?"  When Jen answered "Five grand," he backed down.

Rod scheduled a call with me to "show me how" some piece of the software works.  I was skeptical, for sure.  But he seemed confident.  So, at 11, he came over and told me to open "the viewer" for the product.  He acted like it was a completely separate application.  I was confused, and told him so.  He got mad.  "You are TELLING me, you have NEVER used the VIEWER?!"  He was incredulous.  I was horrified I didn't know what on earth he was talking about.  He even found some notes to jab his finger at.  I was getting nervous!  The only thing I knew of was the one application.  So I showed him what I did know.  I was probably somewhat angry by then.  When he saw the right screen, he said "THERE! THAT is the viewer!"  Because it said security log, I guess I was the confused one.  It got worse.  He then wanted me to show him how to do what he was supposed to show me how to do.  Boy, if that is a confusing sentence to read, think of my bafflement at showing him what he knew!  I could only shake my head.  I said, "But I don't know how to do that.  I thought you were going to show me?"  Well, I guess I said this "intimidatingly" because he said "Oh sure, why do you ALWAYS have to rub my NOSE in it if I don't KNOW something?"  Oh good God.  Really.  Really?  "Rod, I am really confused, I'm not trying to rub your nose in anything!"  "Well, I am feeling PERSECUTED!"  "Rod, you said you knew how to do this, and I thought this meeting was to show ME how! I'm sorry you feel persecuted, I really didn't mean for it to be like that!"  He got up, and started leaving.  (yay!)  "Well, my feelings are MY FEELINGS and YOU can't CHANGE that."  "Okay, um Rod?  Do you want me to figure out how to do this then?"  "YES!  That is WHY I came OVER in the FIRST place."  Poor poor Rod.  In his brain, he must really really be confused.

And then... And then we found the Benedryl, newly opened, in his desk.  It explained all of the recent confusion, the slowness to answer, and even the crankiness as he repeated back what we had already said.  Nothing like combining medical marijuana and Benedryl.  Sigh.

Because I am who I am, I couldn't handle the guilt of Rod feeling "persecuted."  So after Rod left for lunch, I put together a few candies I have in my desk and wrote out a note to him that said I was sorry for my recent churlish behavior and thanked him for trying to understand.

He was tickled when he saw his surprise.  When he read the note, he was down right giddy! He asked if he could kiss me.  I said "I'm not sure what to say to that.  If I say 'yes,' I'll get in trouble at home. If I say 'no,' I might offend you!"  He said that answer was good enough.  And he laughed.  I think I could hear tears welling up.  Anyway, he finished up what he was doing, talked about the liquor store, and was out of the office by 2. Woot!

So, I win.  I got to see Rod squirm like the worm he is and I got him to leave for the day.  In a good mood, at that.  Not too bad for this chilly, chilly Friday.

Holy SMOKES!  That's right!  It's FRIDAY!  I'm outta he---

Eye Tee Girl

Life is like a box of cigarettes

Sooner or later, it's gonna kill you.
 
Sometimes life simply isn't easy.  And my life, right now, just really isn't easy.  I have a family member in the hospital, and I have to work for Rod.  Between those two things, I am close to losing it.  If you follow me on Facebook, then you know it's been crazy at work lately.  (Add EyeTee Grrl on FB if you want to follow me, or www.twitter.com/eyeteegirl)

Now, the weird thing is, Rod has been weirdly nice lately.  These ups and downs of his are really starting to make me wonder who is truly the confusing gender.

So, apologies to those of you who rely on my blog daily for good cheer; my SO's father is in the hospital right now, and in our attempt to get to the hospital before rush hour yesterday, I didn't have time to post.  So I'll jump right back in the seat.

Just the other day, Rod noticed my engagement ring.  I wear it every day, and have worn it every day since it was presented to me.  I said "Yes, isn't it pretty?"  Rod actually engaged in conversation to discuss its merits.  I was kinda weirded out by the idea that he was admiring something on my body, so I didn't really want to continue the conversation, but there you have it.  After nearly two months of working here, Rod finally noticed the engagement ring.  Hmm.  Go figure.

Rod gets upset whenever cars aren't where they are supposed to be in the parking lot.  Let's say you forgot something, and you dashed in to get it - leaving the car idling half way out of your spot.  Rod will hunt you down and ask you to remedy the situation.  Sometimes, he will even yell in the middle of the parking lot if someone has a delivery truck sitting there (while a delivery is being made).  Mind you, this is all regardless of the fact that he can still get a parking place, and people can still get in and out of the lot just fine.  No, it's a principle thing for him.  Take yesterday for instance.  A gentleman parked in between two spots (taking up both spots) and dashed in for what was (to me) obviously a quick hello type conversation.  Now, I guess we'd all agree it's not really fair to take your half out of the middle, and we all bitch about the people who take up two spots when spots are tight, but there was a stall open 2.5 car stalls down from this particular incident, and several on the other side of the lot.  No big deal.  For most of us.  Rod, on the other hand... Had to go hunt this fellow down and inform him of his discontent.  I'm not sure what was said, but after about 45 seconds, Rod reappeared and walked away (we're not sure where he went). Approximately 30 seconds after that, the gentleman reappeared.  He moved his car, and trotted back in to finish his conversation with the neighbors.  When Rod returned from his jaunt, he waltzed in and started working again.  He did not, at any time, take one of the two spots now vacant.  For two more hours he worked that day, and did not take one of the now empty stalls.  Sigh.  I think Rod has an overwhelming need to be right.  And here I thought that was my job description in life!

Not long after that, Rod asked me if I texted.  I said yes.  There was no further communication on the subject.  (I wasn't about to ask why he wanted to know.)

Before he left yesterday, Rod cheerily said he'd had a "Wonderful day of ... [silence] ... SHARing."  I couldn't help myself.  "Sharing, Rod?"  "YES! SHARING of um... [silence] ... um ... CHRIStmas spirit."  Okaaaaay.

Apparently, a call came in for Dave this morning.  Rod answered, all I could hear was his side of the conversation:  "May I say who's calling?.... Can I ask what this is regarding?.... mmmmferf WELL he no longer works here."  Click.  Polite professionalism at its best.

Rod has been coughing all day.  A very dry cough.  And it's starting to put my nerves (and suspicions of sickness) on edge.  He coughed again.  "Hey, so, um, do you need some water or something for that cough?"  "Oh, no, I'm alright.  I have started taking MEDIcal mariJUANA again, and it afFECTS me the next day."  Oh, brother.  Is that what he is calling it?  Whatever.  The rest of us call it partying.
 
So, as usual, a 5 minute meeting turned into 45+ today.  One of the points of that meeting?  I even told him I was writing it down.  (Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.  And my job.)  "We are sensitive only to Rod's needs.  NOBODY ELSE'S."  This is in response to my request for him to email me the details of a report he wanted me to run.  "I'll never remember all this, can you email me all the details you want, so I can--" His reply was loud and gruff.  "NO!  I will NOT email it to you!"  "But, Rod, I would really like to have it in writing so I can go back to what you want--" Again, "NO! I don't care what you want."  Hrrmmm.  "So, the needs of others don't matter?  Just your needs?"  His reply still lifts my eyebrows:  "That's right."  Alrighty.  Whatever you want, boss.  Un.. be.. liev... able.  Now, instead of poor, poor Rod, I'm thinking... Poor, poor Rod's girlfriend.
 
At another point, he said something to the effect that anyone here could do my job, and do it better, and do it faster.  And he said it with a sneer while he wagged his head in a way that was incredibly arrogant.  I said "Wow, can you be any ruder right now?"  (I really did say that).  His reply was honest, at least.  "No!"  I said, "Actually, I bet you could be ruder, but let's not test it."  He thought that was funny.  I didn't.
 
He ended the conversation by hemming and hawing.  I said "Just say it, whatever it is."  He told me he didn't think I'd like it.  I just rolled my eyes with my head down so he couldn't see.  I don't like anything he says, I thought.  But he finally got it out:  "I want you to cc me on all emails to all developers and to all customers."  I laughed and said "Okay, Rod, no problem.  And you don't consider this micro-managing, right?"  (He'd once complained to me others have said he's a micro manager).  He said, "NO! It's not micromanaging.  That's just YOUR OPINION."  That's right, boss, it is.  My perception, my reality.  Now, go away.  And he did.
 
Our land lord came in today to check on things.  We have a light out and a heater on the fritz.  So we told him, and the dude was cool about it all.  Then Rod some something most peculiar (no surprise there, I suppose.)  He said "So, when you get your shorts on, you can come fix this light."  The land lord and I looked at each other quizzically.  I repeated, "When you have your shorts on?"  He just shrugged and said, "Well, I can always come back in July, or August?"  We laughed.  Rod didn't.  He was too busy showing the land lord where the bulbs were. 

Wait a minute.  We have the bulbs here?  He wants the land lord to do the dirty work?  (Again, the 4 year old trying to weasel out of chores).  What a lameass. He can't change his own bulbs?! I work for an immoral (or is that amoral?), lazy lameass.  Can't wait to tell the folks all about my great job when we get together over Christmas... 

That is, if I even get the day off.

Eye Tee Girl

EXTRA ! EXTRA !

So, apparently, Rod wanted Jen to move to a commission only type of pay.  She nixed that idea!  Good girl!  But it doesn't bode well for the future of my full time employment, either!
Anyone hiring IT folks right now?


Eye Tee Girl

Patience is actually more of a curse

The more patient you are with a person, the more they take advantage of you.  So while it may also be a virtue, I think the people who were writing quotable quotes did not take Rod into consideration.  It's really more of a curse.
 
Rod just cannot get the name of our customer's son correct.  Every single time, he asks how Kyle is, and every single time, the customer has to remind Rod that it is Alex, and that Rod should consult his Goldmine notes.  That just slays me!  Anyway, today was no exception, Rod called up and asked how Kyle was.  Again, he was told to consult his notes. (See?  Patience just doesn't work)  Rod cleared his throat.  "AHERREUMMM!  Yes, why, see?  That's just RUDE and INCONSIDERATE of me!"  And then, this is where Rod started rambling.  I'm not sure why, maybe he actually felt badly for getting the name wrong?  Anyway, he rambled on like this:  "You know, I've been a little disTRACTed lately, what with the GUNMAN on the loose here today."  Then a pause as he waited for the appropriate inquiry that was sure to follow.  Oddly enough, Rod didn't actually talk about the 4 policemen who were shot down in cold blood, no... he took a different tact and said that a shooter was on the loose for "TWO DAYS now," even tho it was really only 1 day.  He then continued on, saying that this happened in Tacoma (it happened in Lakewood) and then mentioned the Arco refinery that's down there that processes some really "potent stuff."  He couldn't think of what was produced.  I think he's referring to the Asarco copper melting plant that produced sulfur gases, which us locals know as the "Aroma of Tacoma."  Of course, Rod didn't mention that.  No, he went on to say that he thinks those fumes (which were eliminated years ago) must be making him "tipsy," and therefore can't remember names correctly anymore.  (Should I point out that the distance between Kenmore and Tacoma is quite considerable and that nobody has ever complained of smelling the Tacoma sulfur smell up here?)  Poor, poor Rod.

Rod sighs.  Loudly.  At least every 10 minutes. 

If he doesn't sigh, he says "SHIT!"

Almost daily, I have to hear him get a virus warning.  This is because he opens any piece of email that comes to his Yahoo mailbox.  And trust me, there are some nasty things that come into a Yahoo mailbox.  I'm a female who has never solicited internet sex or anything even remotely sexual, and yet still, just this morning, I got an email telling me I could take a pill that (to paraphrase) would give me a ... ahem... a rooster, shall we say? Large enough to knock down trees.  Now, I don't have a C--, er, Rooster, and speaking from the female perspective, I wouldn't want my man to have one large enough to knock down trees, either. That just sounds downright painful.  Now, back to my story, if even I get emails about sex, you can bet Rod gets them by the bucketful.  So when I hear that virus siren go off, I know exactly what Rod is looking at and clicking on.  All together now: Ewwww!  Ick factor +8.

Despite putting a sign up on the bathroom door, Rod is still unable to wash his hands after going number 1.  Now, I realize boys get to stand when they pee, but still, I know where they have to put that hand, and from what I know of boys, they should wash that hand every time it touches something down there, even if they "didn't get any pee on it!"  All together now:  Ewwww!  Ick factor +5.

Oh no!  This just in!  Rod has taken Jennifer outside for a private talk!  Please, everyone, think good thoughts for her!  I must cease and desist my blogging until they return!  


Eye Tee Girl

Monday.

Really, I don't think there is an uglier word for me, in my life right now, all things considered.  The disappointment that I had to return to work after the holiday- that started Saturday morning.  And this morning, in fact, I had to fight back tears before coming through the door to face Rod.

Today has been no exception for the funny stories.  Or ironic.  Or unjust.  Or... well, just plain senseless.
 
I like a lunch hour as much as the next person.  Primarily, I like to eat during said hour.  If I don't eat, well, I get grumpy.  There, I admitted it.  I get cranky if I don't eat.  And I get uncomfortable, tummy all rumbly and gurgly.  I don't think it's that difficult, when consulting someone else's calendar and modifying it, to make sure you aren't booking appointments back to back through a reasonable lunch time.  Now, by lunchtime, I mean simply say, 11 - 2. Somewhere in there, leave an hour free.  But time and time again, Jen will carefully leave me a time slot to eat, only to have Rod snag it up.  So, I went through and created a 12:30-1:30 repeating occurrence so nobody could book that hour.  Until December 2010.  Oh, the satisfaction I felt!  Knowing that one day Rod would find that and, I figured, completely flip his lid. On Wednesday, he found it, and, surprisingly, said it was a great idea.  I even offered to remove it if we could work something else out!  No, no, he said, he liked it!!  Today, apparently he found out it changes things in my "pending" tab.  Well, this is clearly unacceptable, even though clicking on the "date" button changes the sort so he can see what is really "pending."   So, after much confusion and  frustration and finagling, I had to remove the occurrence, and then put on the white board : KATIE LUNCH 12:30 - 1:30.  My favorite part of the conversation is when Rod said that if he couldn't manage to remember that, then it would be his fault if I got booked full on without a lunch.  Imagine that, Rod is owning a little responsibility!  (Trust me, I know he will book me during a lunch, and I know he will try to make it my fault, but for now, let me feel victorious.)

So I trotted over to dutifully put my lunch hour up on the white board.  And was reminded of what has been there for over a week now:

WEEKLY OFFICE TASKS:
GARBAGE.........KATIE (x)
VACUUMING.....JENNIFER (x)
BATHROOM......ROD (  )

So I asked.  Quite cheerfully.  "Hey, Rod, did you clean the bathroom yet?  I can check it off for you if you did!"  His reply was a quietly muttered "No, I'm still working on it."  Pause.  "Hey, how come I have to clean the bathroom anyway?"  So I reminded him of the conversation we had about a month ago.  We said Jen vacuums, I take out the trash, and you said you'd clean the bathroom.  In fact, I reminded him, "You are the one who started the conversation by saying you'd clean the bathroom!"  I was proud for remembering that tidbit!  He was gruff when he said "No, I didn't! I said I'd clean the toilet basin!  Not the floor!"  Well, since the floor is where his pee hits when it splashes in that bowl, there's no way I'm going to clean that floor.  Hell to the no.  I didn't say that.  Instead, I pointed out "For three weeks now, I've been taking care of taking out everyone else's garbage without a word of complaint! And Jen has vacuumed up our dirt!  The least you can do is the bathroom!  Three weeks Rod, I've taken out your garbage! And never, not once, not a single word of thanks!"  Of course, the silence that filled the room was deafening.  (No apology was forthcoming, either). 
 
The more I think about it, the more I think Rod is actually just a 4 year old, not wanting to do his chores, getting others to do them for him, and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way.  It all makes sense now, doesn't it?
 
A few minutes ago, Rod printed some checks. After taking them back to his desk, I heard him ripping them apart on the perforations. Frip, frip, frip went the tears. Then, suddenly, the awful sound of actual paper tearing.  This couldn't be good news, since I know he was prepping checks.  Sure enough.  "SHIT! GODDAMMIT!"  Then silence.  I could picture him, looking at his checks, now torn, wondering what to do next.  Almost like a child, I could picture his expression: Shock, anger, horror in looking at all that spilled milk...  Then, I heard the unmistakable sound of Scotch tape being pulled off a roll and ripped.  Two or three times.  So he must have had his checks stacked when the tearing went awry, and it tore not one, but three checks.  Nice one, Rod!  And now, he thinks Scotch taping together his checks will be acceptable to his bank when his creditors try to cash said torn checks. So professional!

Rod just took a call and told the person, whoever it was, that it was inappropriate to be calling him at work.  He said he was too busy, and then he said 2:30 would be a good time to call him.  At work.  Hmm.  I swear to you, not 30 seconds later, the phone rang again, and he began speakin to that person at length and in depth about their betting results from the long weekend.  I love, love the double standards that abound here.

That's about it for today.  Oh, here's a snapshot to keep you thinking, as it got me thinking:

Who on Earth thinks something like this is funny?

Eye Tee Girl

Where there's a will, there's a tyrant.

In today's torture meeting, Rod had focus, determination, grit!  Which meant he was going to make me do what he wanted, regardless of ridiculosity, and regardless of my input.

It was all about the scheduled call report today.  Now, I don't have calls scheduled for sales, which is what most people think when reviewing scheduled calls in Goldmine.  No.  I am to track technical issues in Goldmine.  This is fine with me, I have been in IT for a long time - I know the routine.  Documenting calls and keeping the status updated is second nature to me.  Until now.  Rod wants them written his way.  For instance, if a customer is getting a specific error when installing the product, I am used to typing in that error, listing what I did to troubleshoot, and if unresolved, leaving the ticket (or scheduled call in this case) open.  Rod wants me to close each "call" when I do additional work on something, open a new scheduled call, and then, I must use the words "Will resolve the issue blah blah blah"  Call me crazy, but if there is a pending call under a contact, and the description is that the customer is getting errors, I would think it is intuitive to assume that it is being worked on and that every time you call that person in the future, you are hoping to resolve the issue.  But no.  I must list out, in every scheduled call "Will resolve issue: "  Sigh.  "We are NOT commUnicating!  What did I just say?"  Oh, God, not the "We need to communicate better so you have to repeat everything I say" lecture!  But yes.  I had to repeat everything he said.  Which wouldn't be anywhere near as difficult if he had one coherent sentence.  But he doesn't.  He always ends his thoughts/sentences on a different topic than what he started with, and it usually takes him full minutes to say something simple, like "When will you be doing this?"  So we always have difficulty communicating! I can't remember his entire sentence by the time he finally finishes it!!!  Anyway,  after that exercise in frustration was over, Rod then reviewed my current call list and told me I must change all of the scheduled technical calls on that list to now read "Will resolve issue" as though I can see into the future.  Unbelievable.  But I guess he's paying me to waste time, so who am I to complain?  (Well, I will, when he gets on me for not having finished something else he decided he wanted done.)

Occasionally, I believe I have mentioned, I leave my coat on the spare chair in my cubical.  Today, Rod moved it (without asking, of course) to the top of a dusty bin behind him.  I asked him to please ask me what he should do with my things if he must move them.  He got very irritated by my request and he said "Well, I'd apPRECiate it if you didn't LEAVE it on the CHAIR."  So I said again, "Please ask me to move it then.  Don't just put it where ever you want."  Harrumph was all he said.  Not 20 minutes later, a package arrived!

If you flop your head to the left, you can see he has received a large order of steaks, pork chops, fish, and other assorted goodies, included a cutlery set.  I wonder what the bank would think if they saw this order?  You know, the bank that he won't pay?  And it's been hours now, sitting happily in the chair where my jacket so offended him earlier today.  Sometimes, the hypocrisy here really bugs me.

Remember we can't have personal conversations now?  Since we made that agreement, today Rod has had three in the office, and 2 outside.  I even had to hear about the status of his electric razor that is in for repairs.  How blatant can one be when imposing such a double standard?  He takes the cake.

Instead of emailing me, or asking me something with his voice, I recently found a note to me under contact "Support" for our company.  It asked when I was planning on sending out the mass email.  Hm.  Seems like an odd way to communicate to me, but then, I take it as a compliment that Rod and I do not seem to think alike when it comes to communication styles.

This week has been rather slow in the humor department, but chalk that up to the short week an the fact that most people aren't really working this week.  At least, not in the US.  I'm sure the quotes will be back next week, along with a much healthier dose of humor. 

As a side note, no, I have not come up with a way to get out of working on Friday.  I think I will "work" from home for a few hours and call it good.

Have a terrific holiday, everyone! I know I will!

Eye Tee Girl

The sound of silence

Sometimes, silence is highly underrated.  It gets a bad rap, too.  "There was an awkward silence."  Or... "There were a lot of silent pauses in our conversation."  I don't think silence is deserving of this type of degradation.  These people don't understand, they have never dealt with, people like Rod.
Today, Rod has been mostly quiet.  What a relief.  Yesterday, well, let's just say after yesterday, the days can only get better.

I have taken a vow of silence.  Unless directly asked a question, I have been silent all day.  I have been employing the monosyllabic silent treatment, I guess you could say. 

Today, Rod came in and said "Good Morning!" full of good cheer.  Since my morning was ruined the minute I remembered I had to go to work (Oddly enough, this was about 5 minutes into my shower), I couldn't really agree that it was a good morning.  I replied simply "morning," but I was really saying "mourning."
 
I put on headphones.  I listed to the new Susan Boyle cd for a bit, but it was boring.  So Madonna came next.  Perfect mix of 80's and dance.  I said not a word, and not a word was said to me.  Perfect!  Then Jen came in, and the cheery "Good morning, Jen!" from Rod.  She was nicer, of course, and actually spoke to him in full sentences.  I was still pouting.
 
I think, perhaps, hours went by.  I got a lot of work done.  It was amazing!  Followed up with customers, read some documentation, got some documentation done, finished up some call notes, it was really a good day.  Until...

Rod spoiled it.  He wanted to have a pre-meeting for the meeting.  His topic, those pesky Capacity Planning reports.  The topic of the actual meeting?  Working with the developer to get the software working.  I pointed out the dichotomy, and he said "I appreciate that," in a tone that really said, "Shut up."  Over to my cubicle he wandered, and he proceeded to ramble, as usual, about everything except the upcoming meeting.  We talked about documentation we have here in the office, we talked about the difficulty of reaching developers, we even discussed web site changes, but for those 20 minutes, we absolutely did not even once discuss the upcoming meeting.

I took notes in the "pre-meeting."  He was listing random things for me to do, so I started writing them down - I didn't want to forget.  Come up with a best practices document, he thought that was a great idea!  Read all documentation for one of our products, including install guide, implementation guides, etc.  That's well over 1000 pages of literature.  When am I supposed to do this?  I guarantee, I don't have the time to do that much reading, but he will expect it of me at some odd, random moment in the future.
 
He even wants me to type up a document that lists the things I don't know.
 
Think about that one for a minute. 
 
Yes, a list of all the things I don't know and would like training on.  I don't know about you, but the list of things I don't know is far longer than the list of things I do know.  Anyway, as he saw me writing, he said, with a sloppy gesture at my notepad: "Where is THAT document you are always writing on?  Where is that ELECTRONICALLY stored?"  I was stymied.  These are just my own personal notes. I was supposed to be typing them?  "Umm, they're not.  I guess I don't want to duplicate all the effort.  It's easier for me to write notes when we are speaking than to type them."  It was a true answer.  "Yes, I know that, but HOW am I supPOSED to KNOW what you are WORKing on if I can't find the DOCument?"  I smiled and patted my note pad.  "It's all right here!  That's the beauty of paper!  It's not filed in some crazy mapped drive on the network!  You can look through this any time you want to find out what I'm working on!"  I thought it was brilliant.  I thought he'd love having permission to go through my stuff!  Alas, no.  I am to start typing up my notes for him, putting them out on the network, making sure I put the file location in a footer, and then, yes, even printing it out for him.  Tree killer.

So, he finally left.  As he was on his way out, he asked if I knew how to place a conference call.  "Yes," I said, "Didn't I just do that yesterday when you were on the phone with me?"  His reply "I don't, know, DID YOU?" was just ridiculous.  What do you say to that 6 year old mentality?  I sighed sadly, dejectedly.  "Yes, Rod, I did.  I'm sorry you don't remember."
 
Maybe this is just a bad week for me, what with the holidays coming up and having other things on my mind.  But the only good thing about working here (besides the 15 minute, out-of-doors conversation I get with Jen) is getting to write this blog, and hopefully entertaining a few of you everyday.  This place, this man, are really starting to wear me down.  I need a break, badly.  I need this upcoming 4 day holiday more than I can express. 
 
Oh, wait.... That's right.  I don't even get Friday off because I work for Ebeneezer. 

Eye Tee Girl