I win!

Oh geez, what a crazy day.  There isn't even a trend to report on, just a mix of crazy stories.
 
The day started off wonderfully:  For the first time all week, I came in earlier than Rod.  This meant I got chill out time at work to be productive, listen to my tunes, and not chew my bottom lip, wondering what craziness will come flying at me any minute.

And then it came.  The door flew open at 7:54.  Rod came in, bringing a burst of chilly fog swirling in with him.  Loudly, he pronounced to the world (or just me, anyway)  "I OVERSLEPT!!"  Well, goodie for you, Rod.  Must be nice to just waltz in any time of day and yell that out to the universe.  Obviously, I was starting my day with a pout.

Rod is just so crazy.

Jen was being called on the carpet (supposedly) for not having prepared enough for a call.  I think that's what he was doing.  Anyway, she had everything all ready to explain.  She had booked extra time for a particular call to make sure the potential customer would be able to download the software necessary for the call.  She's done this probably hundreds of time.  As she put it "He needs time to test if the product download will work through his firewall and that it will install properly, too."  Rod essentially repeated back to her what she just said, only he made it sound like he was talking to a 6 year old: "Ok, Jennifer, well you KNOW the software doesn't always WORK with firewalls because you have to be able to download and DEPLOY the software, too."  Hmm.  Pete and RePete, eh?  Lovely.
 
He quizzed her further.  Suspiciously, as though she wouldn't have an answer, he asked, "What does this guy plan to DO with our Image Tracker Software?"  Jen said she was confused.  (I would think the answer is obvious based on the name of the software, but Rod persisted.)  "WHY is he LOOKING at this SOFTWARE?  WHAT does he WANT to DO with it?!"  Jen kept her cool.  She made her statement sound like a question.  "Um, to track images?" That was good enough for Rod.  He grunted approvingly, and that was that, I guess, because he didn't have any further questions.

A few days ago, Rod was taking a personal call in the office.  He mentioned Thanksgiving dinner with his nephew and said that the nephew's girlfriend was a VERY good looking woman.  I just rolled my eyes.  But then he said "And they are LIVING in SIN!"  Now, I'm not sure if he was joking, I hope he was.  But either way, I didn't really care.  Apparently, it bothered Rod.  Two days later, he came up to me and apologized for saying something so offensive about living in sin when... and here, he couldn't finish his sentence.  Can you imagine?  Rod made himself feel uncomfortable.  It was an awesome moment, and I let him writhe in his awkwardness.  Finally, I had to let him off the hook.  "No offense taken, Rod."  Whew!  The air rushed out of his pent up lungs like a balloon!  "Okay, thank you, good day."  And he was gone.  I felt victorious. 

Here are some good one liners lately, please add your own WTF type comments after each one:

"I don't think Rocket Rick has much to be bragging about down there."
 
"I am trying to get Rose Bowl tickets so I can go through the gates dressed as a DUCK."

"How about this Tiger Woods fella?  I tell ya, that had to be some good action he was getting for $50 million!"

"We are financial PREDATORS on the HUNT."

He made Jen change the wording on some call notes from "Demo (giving tour of product on website)" to "Website Tour"

He asked Jen, rather angrily, to justify a call. "What do we have to GAIN on this call?"  When Jen answered "Five grand," he backed down.

Rod scheduled a call with me to "show me how" some piece of the software works.  I was skeptical, for sure.  But he seemed confident.  So, at 11, he came over and told me to open "the viewer" for the product.  He acted like it was a completely separate application.  I was confused, and told him so.  He got mad.  "You are TELLING me, you have NEVER used the VIEWER?!"  He was incredulous.  I was horrified I didn't know what on earth he was talking about.  He even found some notes to jab his finger at.  I was getting nervous!  The only thing I knew of was the one application.  So I showed him what I did know.  I was probably somewhat angry by then.  When he saw the right screen, he said "THERE! THAT is the viewer!"  Because it said security log, I guess I was the confused one.  It got worse.  He then wanted me to show him how to do what he was supposed to show me how to do.  Boy, if that is a confusing sentence to read, think of my bafflement at showing him what he knew!  I could only shake my head.  I said, "But I don't know how to do that.  I thought you were going to show me?"  Well, I guess I said this "intimidatingly" because he said "Oh sure, why do you ALWAYS have to rub my NOSE in it if I don't KNOW something?"  Oh good God.  Really.  Really?  "Rod, I am really confused, I'm not trying to rub your nose in anything!"  "Well, I am feeling PERSECUTED!"  "Rod, you said you knew how to do this, and I thought this meeting was to show ME how! I'm sorry you feel persecuted, I really didn't mean for it to be like that!"  He got up, and started leaving.  (yay!)  "Well, my feelings are MY FEELINGS and YOU can't CHANGE that."  "Okay, um Rod?  Do you want me to figure out how to do this then?"  "YES!  That is WHY I came OVER in the FIRST place."  Poor poor Rod.  In his brain, he must really really be confused.

And then... And then we found the Benedryl, newly opened, in his desk.  It explained all of the recent confusion, the slowness to answer, and even the crankiness as he repeated back what we had already said.  Nothing like combining medical marijuana and Benedryl.  Sigh.

Because I am who I am, I couldn't handle the guilt of Rod feeling "persecuted."  So after Rod left for lunch, I put together a few candies I have in my desk and wrote out a note to him that said I was sorry for my recent churlish behavior and thanked him for trying to understand.

He was tickled when he saw his surprise.  When he read the note, he was down right giddy! He asked if he could kiss me.  I said "I'm not sure what to say to that.  If I say 'yes,' I'll get in trouble at home. If I say 'no,' I might offend you!"  He said that answer was good enough.  And he laughed.  I think I could hear tears welling up.  Anyway, he finished up what he was doing, talked about the liquor store, and was out of the office by 2. Woot!

So, I win.  I got to see Rod squirm like the worm he is and I got him to leave for the day.  In a good mood, at that.  Not too bad for this chilly, chilly Friday.

Holy SMOKES!  That's right!  It's FRIDAY!  I'm outta he---

Eye Tee Girl