No Patience

Today, it would seem, I have reached a point where I simply have no patience left for Rod.  Today is the first day I've been on some live calls where I actually had to do my job, know and train on the product.  It's not a big deal, I can scramble and think on my feet with the best of 'em.  But taking into consideration my lack of solid training on any of the products we sell, I am a little on edge today.

Most of my stories today are just little ones, but still completely entertaining (to me, at least) and, of course, you will find the inappropriateness you have come to expect from Rod.  Every single day, I think to myself, today is the day I am going to run out of material.  Nobody can act up this much every single blessed day.  But Rod never fails to disappoint.  I couldn't make this stuff up, much less this much stuff!

Rod likes free things.  Maybe another way to phrase that is that he's cheap.  Whatever.  A particular company presents webinars with some frequency on various networking issues.  They are free.  For those of us in the "biz," we roll our eyes at "free" webinars.  It means we will have to put up with an advertisement for some product.  Yawn fest.  But, well, Rod loves these things and has me register for nearly every single one.  Oh, the torture! 

Out of nowhere, while not on the phone and while not speaking with us, Rod blurted out "Yes, I have a very long one."  Well, thanks for sharing, Rod.  I'll note that in your charts.  (What is wrong with him?)  Jennifer and I just laughed silently.

Not long after telling us of his dimensions, he began humming a song.  Only, a "song" isn't the right word.  No.  He just hummed one note.  Yep.  One note.  For about 30 seconds.  In addition to all the other benefits here, I also get exposure to the arts.  SWEET!

When Rod has been proven wrong somehow in a conversation, he may stammer a few more sentences, but then puts his head down and walks briskly away, stating "Have a nice day" in such a way that you are summarily dismissed.  He will often do this regardless of the state of conversation.  You could literally be mid-word, open-mouthed as he marches off.

While speaking to a customer (yep, brace yourself), he said "Well, maybe your sexual orientation is the problem."  Do you suppose the people he says these things are as shocked as Jennifer and I are when we hear them?

Today, he forgot all the letters in my name, introducing me not once, but thrice as "Katie Muffy."  It's MURPHY, with an R, got it?

Okay, so I made a mistake today.  Shocking, I know.  I mistakenly placed a call on line 1 while Rod was at lunch.  Of course, 10 minutes into the call, I realized my mistake, but Rod wasn't there, so not too big a deal.  He'd never even know!  And then... in he walks.  And starts yelling... "OKAY EVERYONE!"  I held up my hand immediately to stop his words.  He sits down for maybe 45 seconds.  Then I hear "WHO IS ON LINE 1?!"  Ugh!  I knew it!  Totally busted! "That's me, Rod, sorry, I made a mistake."  He started muttering, so I assured him I would be off the line in 10 minutes, could he wait that long or did he need it immediately?  More muttering that amounted to ... "Yeah I guess I can wait TEN minutes."  I actually ended up leaving the call and dialing back in to free up the line for him.  The call proceeded for another 30 minutes or so.  I went to confer with Jennifer about some details.  On my way back to my desk, Rod shouted "Katie, now, IT IS very IMPORTANT..."  Oh ... my ... God.  So I stopped him this time and snapped: "I know, Rod, I said I made a mistake, I said I was sorry.  There is nothing else to say."  I'm not really sure how Rod felt about this, but the office sure got quiet.  The ironic, yet predictable fact is that Rod didn't use line 1 the whole time I was on the call.  Roughly 45 minutes after the call ended, he finally placed his call.  Thank the powers that line 1 was ready for him! 

Just now, Jennifer and I tried to have lunch together.  There's no break room, just 6 cubicles.  And a bathroom.  We were quietly discussing shopping trends or something, when, of course, "GIRLS! Do you..."  We both got quiet immediately.  A lengthy period of silence passed.  When he said nothing further, I said "Did you have something you wanted to say, Rod?"  "Well it's just that all that talking is DISTRACTING..."  So I pointed out that we were eating.  "Well, it's just that THIS is where we WORK," he said tersely.  Jennifer and I exchanged a silent look.  The silence filled the room again.  "Do you want me to eat my sandwich outside, Rod?"   I don't really remember all that was said, but he was making it clear he did not want us talking.  At one point, I said, "But it's perfectly okay for you to come barging in while we are on a call and shout OKAY EVERYONE?"  I shouted that one.  Just like he did.  It felt good.  And no, I don't regret it.  I said "That was my Rod impression."  Jennifer was giggling by now.  Her eyes were saucers.  Rod said that he didn't remember (how convenient for him) but that if he DID do that, then he was SORRY.  Nothing like a conditional apology, eh?

So Jennifer and I proceeded to eat in silence.  Her apple was crunching, and then I hit a pickle.  Uh oh, loud crunchy sound!  I apologized for it.  At this point, Jennifer and I had no idea what to do.  We started laughing silently, shoulders hunching.  We were just sitting there with our hands in the air, shrugging, as if to say "Now what?"  I said "The bathroom?" very quietly.  That really tipped the scales and Jennifer completely lost it.  I had to laugh too. I hope he heard it and understood how absolutely FREAKING ridiculous he was being.

We decided to go next door, to the gentlemen's business next door.  (You remember them, they are the ones who brought beer to our Halloween party!).  They said no problem, we could sit in there and chit chat while we ate lunch.  They noted that Rod had just been there, and didn't seem concerned a'tall about a quiet workplace at that time.  The other one chimed in "It doesn't matter anyway, we ignore him here just like we do over there!"  We all had a good laugh and our tension eased.  Thank God for sanity checks.

So now it's the end of the day and all is silent.  Rod just left for the evening, and didn't say a word to us.  Do you suppose he is really mad at me for mocking him, and losing my patience with him, finally?  Or do you suppose that maybe, just maybe... he realizes how ridiculous he was?

Eye Tee Girl