Another Day in Paradise

So yesterday, Rod requested that I print out what he called the Capacity Planning Report from our recent release of a product.  So off I trot to figure out the reporting system and get it printed out.  All 17 pages of it.  I also sent him a link to another report by the same name that had been auto generated the day before.  Great, right?  I'm sure you know better than that by now.  Nothing is as it seems, here in paradise.  Rod came up to me after he'd been here for an hour (the report had been placed neatly on top of his keyboard the night before) and said "Hey! Did you think this is what I wanted when I said 'Capacity Planning Report?'"  I verified by looking at the paperwork.  Yep, what he was holding in his hand clearly said "Capacity Planning Report."  So I said as much.  "Um, yeah, it says 'Capacity Planning Report'..."  He cleared his throat loudly.  "AHEERMMMRUMM!  Yes, but I need the BRAND NEW Capacity Planning Report."  Hmm.  This was getting to be a mystery.  "Well, Rod, how do I find the one you're looking for? Is it called 'Brand New Capacity Planning Report?' There's only one that I can find with that title."  Silence.  I turned around to make sure Rod was still there, and he was.  I guess he was thinking.  More silence.  "Well, AHHERMMMRUMMM!! Yes, see? It's mentioned in the RELEASE notes that were sent to you..." I let him finish rambling so he would go away sooner.  "Ok, Rod, I'll look." 

So I dutifully looked at the release notes. I looked at the important points, as outlined to me by Dave.  I scanned the entire document.  I did a CTRL-F to find "Capacity." I was completely unable to find any reference to a new set of "Capacity Planning Reports."  As I find myself doing lately here, I shrugged, muttered "whatever," and went back to my task at hand, now delayed by 20 minutes of fruitless research.  He'll likely forget he wanted the report anyway.  Awesome!

Rod wanted to conference me in on a call today.  So he came to my desk and used my phone to conference in Dave (who returned today!) and then place a call.  I have absolutely NO idea why he didn't just do it from his own phone.  But he used my headset to do it.  Ick factor +2

While Rod was using my phone, he wanted to open Internet Explorer.  I have my start bar on the right.  That was too confusing for him.  He kept moving the mouse to the bottom of the screen.  Only seconds earlier, he had opened a different icon from my start bar on the right, so I'm not sure why he couldn't now also open IE.  I think he forgot it was on the right, and panicked. I tried to guide him, much like a 911 operator would walk you through CPR, if necessary.  "Move the mouse to the right... that's all you have to do.  Move the mouse to the right.  Nice and easy, now!"  But the panic had set in. He ignored my guidance and, with his hands in the air in obvious surrender, he backed slowly away from the computer and made it obvious I needed to open the browser and direct it to our website.  Poor Rod.  I think he was close to tears.  Honestly!  At least he did the right thing by backing away from dangerous machinery.

Rod wants Jennifer and I to start including our pictures with outgoing sales related emails.  As he puts it, when people get a look at us, it will increase sales.  That is so wrong on so many levels, I need not bore you by listing them.  Ick factor +1.

I got more pop quizzes yesterday!  I was asked "So do you know what this box on the report shows?"  I focused on his screen with a squint.  "Um, the % Disk Idle Time box?" I asked.  "YES! Do you KNOW what it DOES!?"  Was this a trick question?  "Well, it shows the percent of time the disk is idle?"  Rod was quite pleased with my answer!  "That's right! It does!" Wow! Praise!  I felt like a four year old who had just answered 2+2=4!!

Hmm... I wonder if I'll get paid on Halloween?  Or on November 2nd?  Does anyone have a coin I can flip?

Speaking of Halloween, someone has a date!  For Halloween!  I asked Rod if they were going to go to a party or something.  The way he said "Umm wellll... I guess you could say I'm entertaining LOCALLY" made my skin crawl.  And remember he is going to dress as a girl for Halloween?  He has already recruited Jennifer to with him to the local drug store to help him buy his cosmetics.  The visual of this 60+? 70+? man dressing up as a woman (or 'girl' - I shudder at the thought) complete with makeup and then "entertaining locally" is really not one I needed. Ick Factor +3.

For quick one liners that happen throughout the day, check my tweets:  www.twitter.com/EyeTeeGirl

That's it for now.  I have a lot of scheduled calls today, so my blog must be brief.  I'll see you tomorrow!

Eye Tee Girl